Disconnect-Reconnect
by Landarma
Summary: [Canon-divergent, Post-canon(probably KH3) AU] He never came back when Ventus opened his eyes. Only after all was said and done he came back, and they must rebuild their relationship. Maybe this is just beginning. Note: non-canon ideas & character interpretation. Also available at AO3 and Pixiv. 2017-05-04: Ch. 18&19 Uploaded. 2017-05-08: Ch. 20 Uploaded.
1. Chapter 1

**Disconnect/Reconnect**

\- Note: Possible grammatical errors, US/UK spelling mix-up, non-canon ideas & character interpretation  
And I'm terrible at character dynamics.  
Most of chapters are pretty short, but some of them will be quite lengthy.

\- Summary: He never came back when Ventus opened his eyes. Only after all was said and done he came back, and they must rebuild their relationship. Maybe this is just beginning.  
(This is NOT VanVen, sorry fangirls)

\- Disclaimer: I do not have anything of KH series, including characters.

* * *

1.

The sky was clear, and the sunshine felt warm. It was a 'typical' good day. The blond boy was lying down on grass field, looking upon the clear – _empty_ – sky. The breeze was refreshing, but it never helped him feeling better.

Ventus frowned, eyes squinting. The sunshine was still warm, but it stopped feeling pleasant. He rose to his feet.  
Rolling hills surrounded the field the boy standing, and nearby him a long, narrow road without a branch was crossing the field. He knew there are mountains and forest at the other side of the hill, but now that his hands were tied, he couldn't find a time to venture so far.  
Half-heartedly the blond started walking along the road. About ten minutes after, he got to a crossroad. Ventus gazed up at the blue sky once more, then moved his feet toward left path.

As he walked down the road, the scenery around him darkened with every step he took. At some point, the sun still above the boy disappeared in darkness. At the end of an hour of walk, he hit the end of the road. Inky black, empty sky – _quite literally, without any visible feature –_ hung above everything.  
In front of the blond boy's eyes, there was a huge castle standing. Warm lights were illuminating the courtyard, making it less dark and depressing.

Even after everything was over, nothing was like before. No, you cannot go back 'before' when you've gone through so much things. This place, what's left of the Land of Departure, was no longer like a cage – _built with beautiful lies –_ for him, but it's sad _and pathetic_ to see what it was like now.  
The castle was not a vast maze which had confused its visitors and made them fading into Oblivion anymore, but it didn't look or feel like _their_ home either.

Ventus stepped to the giant front door, sighing. Faint aura of magic hung in the air, made him feeling slight tingling sensation.  
The boy did not say 'I'm home', knowing there's no one to hear him right now. Aqua had gone out to visit Terra and pick up supplies, leaving him alone. _Well, not quite_. He passed the entrance and main hall, headed to their living quarter. In his room, he glanced at clock. It was still a couple of hours before dinner.

Not feeling like to do anything else right now, he flopped down on the bed.

* * *

Authoress L's Note: Originally, I wanted to add subtitles to each chapter, but I gave up.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

His consciousness was returning, yet his mind could not register anything around him. How long had it been since _that happened_? Even where he was all through the time, he could not tell. It was as if he had been sleeping all the time unaware of what was going on around him.

Sometimes he could feel surge of darkness, but other than that, there was… nothing. Maybe that's good. Not feeling anything in this slumber. So he wouldn't have to deal with any sensation between mild discomfort and crippling pain.  
However, it wouldn't last long. Eventually he'd awake when his shattered heart repaired itself, but when? Without any light – _and the light has never been on your side_ –, it was very tedious process. Even though the pieces gathered and lay together, his heart remained fractured. And his own negativity would make things worse( _he still remembers what will happen when he feels such negative feelings_ ) once he woke up.  
Although he hated to admit, he was afraid of that his own darkness eroding and consuming his heart – _a piece, a leftover_ – more, rendering him nothing more than the creatures spawned from him. There was no way to stop this heart of pure darkness – _now badly fractured and never healed well –_ crumbling.

His train of thoughts were stopped when something or _someone_ touched him. He somehow hoped( _if he can hope at all_ ) his mind pulling trick on himself. But he could feel his body stiffened under the touch as well. It was so real. Then it means… he regained corporeal form, doesn't it?  
Still having no idea where he was, he was sure that he was on… real bed. Funny, he had no recollection of sleeping on the bed since he came into being. It didn't feel bad.

But still in the corner of pitch-black heart, he wished none of these were real. So he would not need to deal with all kind of emotional turmoils – _spawns creatures here and there_ – that brought him unpleasant sensations again.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

No matter how much Ventus disliked the current situation, he didn't seem to have any other choice. He was the only one available here right now. Aqua was out of course, and Terra? If he ever returns here.

Terra hadn't returned to their home – _just a remnant of former glory_ – since all the messes around Master Xehanort and his plans were over. The blond boy wondered if guilt was the reason. Sure, he did make mistakes nearly decade ago, and so did the rest of them. But there would be more. The brunet might feel guilty even for things he hadn't committed. He once told his friends that he had made a wrong choice and now had to bear the consequences of that. Nobody ever mentioned his 'wrong choice', though they guessed what it was.  
He even declined when Yen Sid suggested him taking Mark of Mastery. Maybe it was also because of guilt? Ventus and Aqua wondered, but Terra still refused to tell why.

Looking up crisscross chain patterns on the ceiling, the boy sighed. They hoped they could live together again just like old time, but it looked like years of hardship made them drift apart. Again, their own guilt and helplessness would be the cause. Now Terra was worlds apart, Ventus and Aqua hardly talked to each other. The castle, although restored – _albeit twisted_ –, no longer felt like home to them. It was too large, too cold, and too lonely. Besides this castle never had any visitor since then. When they want to see other people, they always choose to visit other worlds, not to invite people to their home. And Aqua did not have any apprentice to teach yet(Ventus wondered if she'd ever take one). So there were only two people, just living under same roof, barely interacting each other unless it was necessary. How could he put up with this?

Well, he was not alone in this room, but the other 'person' was the last person he ever wanted to see. The blond glanced at the dark figure on the bed, narrowing his eyes.  
"Why now?" He murmured. "Everything's over, your master is gone for good, so are his schemes. We have no further roles to take."  
Back then, when Ventus opened his eyes again, he was afraid of seeing his adversary awakened, thinking he would join the Seekers(it was very possible) and/or would strike the blond on the first opportunity. But that day never came. Even in the midst of heated battle, they had not seen any sign of the physical manifestation of darkness ripped from Ventus. For months the blond boy wondered why he wasn't there, until all the messes and fusses met their end.

There are some questions which are unlikely to be answered. Why was he there, the very badlands only after everything was over? How did he get his body again(perhaps it's pretty obvious)? How could not anyone ever find out his presence all the time(maybe, except Master Xehanort, but even he had not been able to retrieve the dark boy)? And, what was keeping him from waking up?  
Ventus sighed again, stood from the chair he was sitting. The room where they were was fairly spacious, with bare necessities. Except the bed which was close to wall and the chair, there was a small table near the only window in the room, and a dresser was on the other side of the room. By the bed, there was a small chest of drawers served as side table. Other than that, there were no other furniture and decorations in this room. The sky outside of the half-opened window was dark and featureless, regardless of the time of day. The blond was sure it was night time. It was their routine checking on their guest – _prisoner, to put it bluntly_ – from time to time. Several weeks had passed, yet there was not any sign of him waking up. The blond boy sometimes wondered what and how others thought while he was unconscious just like that.

Standing by the bed, the boy looked down at the unmoving figure. The other boy did not change much. Still covered head-to-toe, black visor of helmet he always wore showed Ventus' reflection.  
 _He looks smaller than before_ , the blond thought. _Or maybe because I've grown_.  
He moved his hands, reached out to _that_ helmet, but instead his hands grabbed on the other one's upper arms. Ventus surprised how cold he was( _at least the blond expected a bit of warmth from that body_ ), while feeling the other boy's body stiffened under the touch.  
However, still he could not find the signs of him waking up. Perhaps he needed more time to heal.

The blond boy shook his head, then walked out of the room. The magical lights illuminating the room were dimmed behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

It was really hard to keep track of time, but about two days later(Ventus thought it was past midday, he did not check his clock that often), Aqua returned to the castle with boxes of supplies.  
"How's Terra?" Putting a box on a hand cart, Ventus asked her.  
"He's doing well, but Heartless still give him headache." She said without looking at the boy in the eye.  
"Hmm." He pulled the cart inside. There were more boxes to carry at the courtyard, and it would take quite some time to carry all of them.

Even though all the previously destroyed worlds and barrier between each world were restored, still Heartless problems were widespread. Driving them out was one of keyblade wielder's jobs( _though they will always come back somehow_ ). Although Ventus did not ask, but he could see Aqua helped Terra hunting them down. And sometimes Ventus did, too. It was one of their ways to drive away the boredom.

"How is he?" Aqua asked, holding a large bag.  
"Same." The blond shrugged. "Though I can feel his body stiffened or flinched from my touch."  
The blue-haired girl nodded, walked inside with the bag.

They finished dinner in silence. After the meal, while Ventus was washing dishes, Aqua visited their sleeping – _unconscious_ – guest.  
"Hey," She spoke in a soft sound. "Can you hear me?" No response from the dark figure. She pulled the chair closer to the bed. Taking a deep breath, the young keyblade master closed her eyes. She tried to focus on the boy's heart as an image started forming behind her eyelids.

'Cold…' Aqua automatically huddled up. It reminded her too much of her time spent in Realm of Darkness. There was no light under this unending black void. Underneath her, there was some kind of platform, and she could barely make out of its shape. Aqua gasped, as soon as she figured out how it looked like. She had never seen such state of heart yet. Sure, Ven was badly hurt and in severely unbalanced state back then, but his heart was mostly mended way enough to keep him functional. All he needed was time to heal. She was not sure if it can be applied to this boy from darkness.  
It hardly looked like a platform. Most of the heart stations – _projection of heart_ – are like a circular platform standing high in the dark void, adorned with stained glass representing its owner and the connections the person has. She learned it during training herself to look into her own heart or others'. But his station was like a chunk broken off of a large pillar, covered with thick haze of darkness. Half, no, less than half of the whole – _if it had ever been whole_ – platform was cracked here and there. She could see the fractured surface through the rift of dark haze. Pieces were gathered to form a shape enough to be recognized, but many of those pieces were just stuck loosely( _barely enough to regain and keep corporeal form_ ), it seemed like this platform would crumble in any time. If a decade and more were not enough to heal this heart, how long will it take(she hoped the answer was not 'forever')? It was sad to see, nearly heart-breaking.

She still could not forgive him for what he'd done to them, but now she thought she could understand at least one thing: the reason of his obsession with Ventus and χ-Blade. No heart should be broken as such. Even if you're a bad person, rotten to the core. If he was truly from Ven's darkness, it would be natural for him returning to where he was from. And it was clear that the old master used that to get what he wanted. As far as she remembered, it was not so successful, though that old man managed to grab hold of Terra's body, so he could proceed his plans further. When she thought about that, she bit her lip, clenching fists. Anger swelled within, but she calmed herself, stay where she was. Soon her anger was gone, but instead she felt her eyes wet as she was watching the platform.

She could not bear to see that anymore.

As she decided to leave, something came into view. No, someone, maybe. A shadowy humanoid figure was standing on the broken platform. It just stood there, unmoving. As if it were unaware of her presence or anything around it.

Despite of her anger and resentment and fear, the blue-haired girl didn't want to leave him like that. She could not tell if it was from pity( _Oh, he won't like that_ ), but knowing darkness is not entirely evil now, she wanted to give him a chance, at least once. ( _But only_ )If he was willing to take it and not to waste it.  
Though he had nothing good inside, she was certain that he's capable of feeling guilt and remorse, looking back what he'd done( _as if they're also part of negativity_ ). She could not tell why she wanted to help him, maybe it's her instinct( _still she's a mother hen deep inside_ ).  
And what next? She felt like all she could do was watching, waiting, and helping both boys to find out what to do( _if only they agree_ ).

Hesitatingly, Aqua called him. "Vanitas?"

The heart did not respond at all.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

He thought he heard someone calling him. Did the voice really call him? Or is it another trick his mind pulling on? He could not tell if any of them was real. Maybe it was because he was isolated from the outside that so long, though he had no idea how long. His consciousness was there, however he wasn't able to awaken yet as his heart remained broken. And not feeling anything was getting older. If he stayed too long like this, the void – _the very core of himself, probably_ – would devour him wholly.

Blue eyes snapped open. Aqua had no memory of falling into a doze. She looked around, but the room was just same as before. She stood up, moved to the window. It was already nighttime, and although this piece of world did not have any form of ( _ordinary_ )weather, she could feel cool wind blowing through the opened pane.  
She closed the window and curtains. Again she stood beside the bed, fixed bedding, then left the room.

In this dreamless slumber, all he got was memories and emotions. Alone in this void, now he was clutching himself as though it could hold those emotions. He didn't want them leaking out again. They were useful for a while, but he hated how they got their own lives – _as if they were real living being_ – while he had uncontrollable emotional disturbance. Even with better control for them, he often could not suppress his emotions coming into physical shapes. He was uncertain if it could happen here.  
As for memories, he wanted to stay away from them as possible. If he could feel and understand what positive emotions are, he would see little of them were pleasant. And despite of not knowing such emotions, still he thought so( _too much negativity was there_ ). There were a few memories about the life _before_ , but he didn't bother to recall them. They were not relevant anymore. Not even for _what he wanted_. He pushed memories away, concentrated on emotions.

By the way, where was he again? For a moment, he felt something chilly. Was it wind? _Why are they so real for me?_ It didn't feel like trick to him any longer. Then it should be real. _Real what?_ Sensing outside. So he was there, in the _real_ world. If the isolation was not going to drive him crazy( _as if he had ever been sane_ ).

Until now, he wanted to stay as he was. But now, he wanted to get out.

The sleeping boy's fingertips twitched under the blanket.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Sticking with your worst enemy is never a good thing. Every now and then Ventus reminded himself that he was with the enemy, but he had no other option. Aqua was in library, working with some spell. She did not tell him what kind of spell it was, but he guessed it had something to do with Vanitas.  
The other boy still didn't wake up, even so, the blond was able to see him reacting stimuli from outside. Not much, but it was an improvement. The boy had no idea whether it was good or bad.

To be frank, they didn't want to be with him, but someone had to watch him over to prevent him doing any harmful thing. And it happened to be them. Nothing more, nothing less. Just because they were few – _only handful of people_ – who had known him. So they were stuck with him out of necessity( _Ven wanted to believe this_ ).

Ventus' footsteps paced up and down continuously as he was taking deep breath. Just thinking about the other boy waking up produced butterflies in his stomach. Regarding histories between them, it wouldn't be surprising that anything bad happening to them at any time. Although Aqua promised, he couldn't help but imagining the worst situation possible.  
He frowned, tried to relieve himself by rubbing on temple. However, the fluttering butterflies in his stomach didn't go away easily.

As walking back and forth, he felt magical aura changing. Probably Aqua finished her work. How the spell working was not his concern that much, yet he wished it reducing chance of potential danger.

Other than that, no meaningful change occurred to this room. Well, it's hard to know if the other boy already woke up, for his face was concealed by that damn helmet. However the blond fought the urge to take off the helmet. Sure, he knew how the other one looked like(maybe that's why he still refused to see Sora eye-to-eye) and might wonder what face _he_ would make, but he shook off his curiosity.

Even now he was the last person Ventus ever wanted to see, hear, let alone to be near. Yet against his wish, they were in the same room. Well, as long as he was sleeping, he wouldn't do anything, so no one needed to worry about that. That would be better. Better to everyone. They should leave him alone. That would be the right thing to do.  
While his brain said it's good for everyone, nonetheless his heart told him that was not right. Knowing what he was capable of, Ventus wanted to follow his brain, not his heart. That was it. So he didn't need to worry about things the other one involved with.

Even so, the blond boy acknowledged that the other boy could not – _should not_ – stay like that forever. Although he wanted to deny that badly, it was going to happen eventually. Maybe right now.

'It would be better if we had fought with each other.' Waiting was boring. Funny, now it sounded like as if he wanted the other to awaken. So they could bring their conflict to an end( _It should've been done earlier_ ).

His legs were tired now. He stopped walking, sat on the chair. It was almost midnight, and the magical lights floating near ceiling were dimmed hours ago, but he was wide awake despite of tiredness. It didn't seem like he would get sleep within some hours.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Time dragged by, but here, keeping track of time was almost impossible. The boy did not have any idea how much time had passed. His consciousness now wanted to get out of this void, but his body wouldn't let him. It felt too heavy. Even opening eyes required sheer willpower and concentration.

At first, he was not able to recognize the place he was. The light seemed to be quite bright, but through that black visor, everything looked a bit dusky. He closed his eyes for a while, then opened them again.  
After a few minutes, he could see he was in some kind of room. His eyes followed chain patterns on the gray ceiling, then moved to other parts of the room. This room was mostly painted in boring shades of gray, but crimson curtains( _he was not sure if it was really crimson because of the visor_ ), wooden furniture and rug on hardwood floor made it less boring.  
Someone was sitting on a chair, asleep. A boy with dirty blond hair. He thought the blond boy was familiar, yet he could not tell who the boy was. Before recalling about the boy, his emotions – _mixture of_ – welled out.

He growled, tried to rise up from the bed, but his body felt too heavy, too sluggish. Anyway, it looked like it woke up the blond. The other boy blinked a few times, then lifted his head.  
"Finally you're up." The blond spoke softly, struggling to keep his tone neutral.  
'Where am I' was what he wanted to ask, but the words did not come out. Instead, he let out a moan. The blond boy did not say anything, just looking at him.  
A few minutes had passed.  
The blond stood up. "I'll be back later." The sound of closing door was heard.  
He left alone in the room.

Minutes? Hours? He could not tell. He was still lying in the bed. As memories were slowly returning to him, he became more aware of his emotions toward the blond. Anger, frustration, hatred, resentment boiled inside of him. Seemed like all kind of negativity were going to burst out. He clutched on his heart, preparing the worst.  
Well, nothing happened. Like he could hold his emotions inside. Perhaps he held them just a bit longer. He had no idea what would happen if those emotions took physical forms now. Most of time, they were obedient to him, but sometimes they did not mind his command, and even hostile to him in rare cases. The boy in mask inhaled and exhaled, putting one hand on where his heart should be weakly. Still nothing seemed to happen around him, though the emotions were surging through him.

Door opened, this time two people walked in the room. One of them was pushing a cart with a tray. If he took off the helmet, he'd smell the food. _If only he had a nose_. _Well, he had_.  
"I heard you awoke." The feminine voice was quite familiar to him, too.  
"Does it matter to you?" His voice was raw and hoarse, sounded weak even to him.  
"I'm sure you are hungry." A pair of hands pulled him up to sitting position. He winced at the touch, then eyed on the food tray.  
"Well, I don't see the need of that." Said that, he turned against the tray, lay down again. "In other words, I'm not hungry. Go away if you have done with me." He didn't bother to see them leaving with somewhat disappointed face or to touch the food tray.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Ventus was unsure of what to think about the other boy. He refused to eat or drink for a week. It was a routine taking out cold and stale food during these days. Sure, Vanitas was already far from a normal human being, but Ventus never thought of him being able to survive without food and water so long(Ven was not counting his body survived for decade without such, for it was not a normal case). Perhaps having human face did not mean that he was functioning like normal human being at all. And he had to admit that he didn't know virtually anything about 'his dark side' other than the unusual birth and abilities(including 'walking monster factory' attribute).

There were questions to be answered, for either side. But while the dark boy kept avoiding – _ignoring?_ – them, getting what both of them want was nearly impossible.

Ventus sighed, pushing the food cart to kitchen. Gosh, why is it so hard to make a proper conversation? Even usual greetings – _half-hearted, but better than nothing –_ he did was often ignored. Though Vanitas was the last person to talk to, he hated to be ignored. It was only a week, but he was tired of that already. He wanted to do things like, throwing fist, swearing, arguing, or anything to vent himself. If such things can draw any meaningful words out of that boy. Even if it's just a sneer.  
In the kitchen, dumping plate of stale food, the blond could not stop thinking how to make the other boy listen to him and talk to him at least once. Maybe, just maybe…

Vanitas was sitting on the bed. It was the most he could do at his current state. His limbs were still stiff, but better than days ago. He was full of emotions – _negative ones, of course_ – and it was enough to keep him in shape, yet his body felt too weak, weaker than newborn baby.

For a week since he had awakened, he ignored Ventus and Aqua as possible as he could. Simply because he didn't want to talk to them. Why did he? If they left him alone, he would be fine. He and his emotions were enough. Just do not show them his weakness, so they won't take advantage of him.  
Or maybe they already did. Something must have happened to him while he was unconscious. Now no matter what he was feeling, the emotions did not sprout up around him. He couldn't tell if it was better or worse. He still felt discomfort, but it was not severe as _before_. If it is less painful, then it would be better. Even though it meant keeping all those negativity inside all the time, not giving him even brief relief of not feeling them at all.  
But again no matter how he hated them skittering around instead of being kept inside, they were still useful. He could use them to wreak havoc, or distract enemies and weaken them, or spy upon others. Losing the ability to use them was quite a loss.

Perhaps that was it. They already knew what he was capable of, so they imprisoned him wherever he didn't know, stripping his powers( _still he could feel his keyblade_ ). Like it would protect others from possible danger he could bring.  
Anger flared and amplified within. _How dare they?_  
Now he wanted to scream and lash out at them and strangle them and –

Someone entered the room, cutting off Vanitas' train of thought.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

"What is it, Ventus?" Anger was replaced by cockiness, apparently.  
The blond boy was standing next to the bed. He looked taller than before, Vanitas registered it to his mind briefly. If it weren't an illusion.  
"I want to talk with you." It was what Ventus wanted for now, honestly. There was no trick or something, but the dark boy seemed to think otherwise. He scoffed, turned his face – _still hidden behind the mask_ – against the blond. The intention was pretty obvious. The blond boy scowled.

Again, he was getting nowhere. Ventus _absolutely_ hated that. Last week was enough.

Vanitas was surprised by Ventus gripping him by collar. The blond was clearly upset, he could see.  
"How long will you ignore me!" The dark boy was thrown into the bed. Groaning, he slowly raised himself to sitting position. It really hurt, however he wasn't going to whine. He must not show weakness.  
It could be funny to see that blond fuming, if he weren't in this pathetic state. He'd provoke the boy more as he pleased, but then he would put his own life at risk. Last time they fought, Ventus beat the crap out of him, until he was on the verge of death(if losing your corporeal body can be called such), even though it was _his_ purpose(and the rest was history). Though the blond boy was not murderous unlike him, he wanted to avoid the worst this time. Sounded like a coward, but once was enough, for he knew he could not fight back now.  
"Guess you are really serious. I've never known you had such spirit." He chuckled mockingly, tilting his _covered_ head.

Ventus looked at the other boy straight with cold azure eyes. He still looked upset, but when he opened his mouth to speak, he kept his tone calm and neutral.  
"You know, I've been around here since we put you in this room, but you were too broken to talk back." For Vanitas, it felt weird to hear that from the very boy who was told the same thing from him years ago.  
"And now, whenever I try to talk to you, you just keep avoiding me. I'm tired of that."  
"What do you want from me?"  
"I want you to stop ignoring me, at least once." Saying that, the blond-haired boy pulled the chair nearby to the next of the bed, sat down on it.

To be frank, Ventus had few ideas of what to start with. Looking back in the past, they had never had any proper conversation. All Vanitas did was throwing taunts and insults, if it wasn't fighting. He said little about himself or his thoughts and feelings, as though Ventus was not worth being talked to. Years later, the blond boy wanted to talk with his old enemy. He thought and thought, but he couldn't find words to converse about. In the end, Ventus settled for this: "Ask me things you want to know. Then I'll give you answer as far as I know."  
Regardless of how much they disliked – _hated_ – each other, he thought the other one had the right to know.

"Where am I?" It was the very question Vanitas wanted to ask on the day he opened his eyes, but didn't.  
"The Land of Departure," The blond boy answered with slight bitterness. "or what's left of it."  
 _So this is what becomes of the sacred homeground of keyblade masters' now? What a sorry state._ The masked boy snorted. He vaguely recalled what had happened to this world he heard from his master. Guess it was submerged into darkness too deep(but not enough to be in Realm of Darkness).

"Do you have anything else to ask? I'm sure you have some more." Ventus' voice sounded more friendly, yet with slight tense.

"Hmm," Vanitas crossed his arms. "how much time has passed since _then_?"  
Ventus held his hands behind his head. "I haven't counted, but they said I was asleep for 10 years or more. Eleven? Or twelve? I said I haven't counted. Well, that was months ago."  
The other boy might be surprised, though the blond boy could only guess.  
'What kind of face he'd make?' He wondered about the face behind the mask, which _was – no, had been –_ a twisted parody of oh so-called Hero of Light. How it was possible, he didn't know. If it weren't a pure coincidence, there should be some kind of connection.  
He swallowed his thoughts, went back to the track. "Is there any more?"

"Are you hiding from _him_?"  
Ventus' eyes went wide. "What?" This question didn't make sense. What made him think like that? It was so out of blue. "No, no, no. We are here because this is our home." _Doesn't feel like home, but still_.  
"I haven't seen Terra." Saying that, Vanitas cocked his head. _Again, it was somewhat odd though it was from legitimate curiosity_.  
"Is it a question? Well, he's fine, but he stays at some other world for a reason." Ventus inhaled and exhaled, struggling with words and sentences he was going to speak. Eventually he decided to explain what happened while they were gone instead of waiting for another question. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again. "If you wonder what happened to the world outside, let me tell you."  
So many things happened, and also so many things changed while they were gone. The blond boy was not the best storyteller in the world, but he tried to tell the other boy a story with carefully chosen words as far he knew. Though he might omit some 'minor' details or things he forgotten while telling it.

The story eventually ended with defeat of the Seekers, of course. No other words were needed. Master Xehanort was gone forever, so were his plans and schemes. And perhaps, he followed wrong clues and theories at some point of his life. What he was seeking for a means to an end was not what the ordinary keyblade wielders of ancient time were seeking for. Just like the ancient tale, they were greedy for light. They never knew such even when they met their end in the war that left no winner.

"You're lying!" The boy from darkness exclaimed in disbelief. How did he know? To tell the truth, he had no idea. Then again, he realised he had not been able to feel the other boy's heart all the time. How come it never crossed his mind until now? It was another loss anyway. Perhaps the destruction of incomplete χ-blade did more than shattering their heart together.

It was obvious the realisation of the old master's demise hit him pretty hard. At least Ventus thought so. Looked like the other boy's confidence, or what's left of that was gone altogether. Still he could not see the other one's face, though, he could see him looking shocked and stricken.  
"Satisfied now?" The dark boy growled, his voice was laced with anger and hint of malice. "Seeing me like this?"  
Ventus shook his head. He did not regret telling such things, but he might feel sorry a bit – _just a bit_ – for making Vanitas feel purposeless and miserable(had no suitable words for that) inside.

"Get lost." Vanitas spat, lying down in the bed(he did it quite a lot lately). The blond boy turned around, walked out of the room without saying anything.

* * *

Authoress L's note: This chapter was longer than previous ones. Some of the later chapters are quite lengthy, longer than this.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

Two weeks had passed since they talked – _sorta_ – to each other. Vanitas hadn't seen Ventus since the blond boy left his room without words. Instead Aqua visited him occasionally, sometimes with books to read, as if he needed some companion to keep. Whenever she came, he tended to ignore her, often giving the cold shoulder. She didn't look irritated unlike Ventus, but it didn't matter to him. Nothing ever mattered to him.

During these days, he could not help but thinking of the stories Ventus told over and over. None of those stories should be true, he thought. Believing that made him feel utterly angry and bitter and helpless. But then again, Ventus was not the kind of person who tells a lie to take his own advantage or to mock others.  
The dark boy shook his head furiously. He still didn't want to believe any of them. Any. of. Them.  
Even so, he could not deny the truth in the corner of his mind.

His master and the plan( _that old man's_ ) were all that mattered to him in the past. He had the one purpose, according to that old man. He might think differently, but he agreed anyway. He would do anything for given purpose, even if it might defy his master's orders in some degree.  
And now, everything was ripped from him, believe it or not. The old man? Gone forever. With plans about Keyblade War. And so was his purpose. He had nothing else. Nothing.  
Besides, Ventus wouldn't take him back ever and/or he could not force his way anymore. They were no longer the same(it was pretty clear from the start), and he didn't feel like being part of the other boy now, even though he was still broken and far from being whole. Back in the past, during those four years, Ventus' piece was grown by the bond he made, while Vanitas' piece was eroded by his ever growing negativity, making them did not fit together anymore in the end. He ignored it, forced the plan anyway. Nevertheless, the forcefully merged heart looked wrong, very wrong( _there should be only one_ ). No matter what he thought, it wouldn't work anyway, for neither of them willingly gave up their individuality. And destruction of χ-Blade made things worse. After waking up from the long slumber, he realised he lost not just the place he _rightfully_ belonged, but also his few connections to others(How it was possible, no one could tell).  
Anger billowed out. Vanitas gritted his teeth. It was all _his_ – _their_ – fault.

Aqua was watching the boy pacing to and fro. There were not many things to do in this place. He usually spent time with stretching his muscles, Walking around the room, or reading books Aqua brought. But this time, he looked livid, grunting and panting, clenching his fists tightly, stamping his feet. Out of sudden, he grabbed a pillow from the bed, threw it, screaming.  
The pillow flew toward her, and she evaded it without too much effort. It hit the wall behind her and fell on the floor. The blue-haired girl picked up the pillow, put it down on the bed.

She was ever patient and in control, unless he cornered her and provoked her too much. Last time he provoked her to the point of blowing her top, it was a sight to see(though he was knocked unconscious at the end of battle), but he was not sure if he could do it again. No matter how he was furious now.  
Emotions were still raging. If the Unversed could be spawned, Vanitas would vent his anger on them, although it wouldn't give him a relief. Rather it would worsen his problems. Ignoring the girl's look of concern, he kept walking around, grumbling incoherent rants until his legs were tired out(he was still weak enough to be tired so fast).

Aqua was still watching him, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, still panting and ranting. She refrained from putting her hands on his shoulders to calm him down like she did to others. Even with slightest touch, the boy went stiff and recoiled. And even though he found out simple touch did not hurt him at all, still he avoided being touched. As she learned that, she stopped doing so. Instead, she taught him a few ways to calm himself, such as taking deep breath while counting numbers. He was reluctant to listen at first, but learned them anyway. She hoped it worked for him.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked softly. The boy was now inhaling and exhaling under the mask, trying to cool off.  
"Heck, no." He muttered under his breath. His anger died down, but the emotional disturbance left him unpleasant sensation again. He doubled over, waited until the pain went away.

Seriously, why was she staring at him with such look? He didn't like it. He just wanted her to stop caring. _Just leave me alone_ , he muttered to himself.  
"When you feel better, you can tell me what makes you so angry." Like he'd ever tell something to her. He snorted.

The air changed suddenly. It was like someone opening the portal to Lanes Between. Since the room was facing the opposite side from the courtyard, they could not see anyone or anything from the window.  
"I'm sure it's Ventus." Aqua said so, then stepped out of the room. Vanitas, now lay down in the bed, trying to ease the ache he was still feeling, without paying attention anything around him.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

"How was the trip, Ven?" Helping Ventus to pick up boxes of supplies, Aqua glanced at the blond boy.  
"Not bad. Sora gave me a ride." Ventus pulled the hand cart inside, Aqua followed him holding large bag.  
"By the way… Vanitas looked very angry today. Do you know why?" The blond flinched a little, but soon replied.  
"I told him everything I know before I left. He didn't seem to believe me then…" He trailed off, eyes casting down.  
"Guess we should talk with him more." The blue-haired girl said. "If only he wants to talk with us, instead of ignoring us."

Perhaps it was the next day, though they did not keep the track of time well.  
There was awkward silence hanging in the air. Three people, no, two people and a boy were in a room, staring each other, not saying anything yet.  
Ventus and Aqua seemed to have something to say, but they hadn't found right word for starting yet, and Vanitas was still not in a good shape. The dark boy was sitting on a bed, his back was leaning against the wall. He looked sick( _he hated them to see him like this_ ), although he was not in pain anymore now.

Their wary, stern, yet anxious gaze was somewhat disgusting to him. He rather wished that they were angry at him. Though he couldn't bring himself to provoke them in fear of risking his own life, seeing them mad at him would be quite impressive. Back then watching these idiots struggling had been fun while it lasted, but those days were gone and would never return. He would never see them like that again. Maybe there would be no more of him. If he could disappear from the world. _If they'd kill him_. No, he didn't want to think about that now. He should not let his mind wonder.

"Stop looking at me like that." His voice was harsh, yet strained.  
"How are you feeling?" It was Ventus. How dare this wimp ask like this?  
"Do you really care about _how I am feeling_?" Vanitas snapped, sprang to his feet.  
Oh, man. Ventus surely grew taller than the last time they encountered. Once their height had been almost the same, but now this blond was nearly tall as the girl standing next to him.  
Vanitas might wonder if he had ever grown. But had he cared about that at least once? Perhaps he was born this way. The way his master wanted. But is it relevant now? Nope. He got his thoughts back to the track again and decided to focus on the topic, if there was any.  
"I can't say I don't care." He could hear the blond teen saying. _What a hypocrite_. He scoffed.

For Ventus, it was really hard to say anything to the other boy, for he was so much like a wounded animal in corner. He would snap again if anyone slip their tongue.  
He was not like the dark, dangerous entity the blond had known in the past. Still he was, but felt like less dangerous than before(can't tell if it was because of Aqua's spell). The dark boy was on guard now, ready to bite if they were too close to him.

Vanitas had no idea what they wanted – _or expected_ – from him. Ventus was still looking at him with cold, hardened, yet concerned eyes. So was Aqua, albeit her gaze was a bit softer. They were standing, or sitting there(Aqua was sitting on the chair before he knew it), watching him patiently. As if they were waiting for him to do something. Were they? He couldn't tell. After all, they were his enemies, and he was at their mercy. If he made a wrong move, he wouldn't make it alive. _Not that mattered so much_. And if they were going to punish him, let them be. He had nothing to lose. _Nothing to live_. He was tired of this waiting game( _or so he thought_ ).

"If you don't have anything to say, get out." He spat out between the teeth.  
"Hey, I don't know what to say first..." Ventus trailed off. He struggled with words, biting his lip. "but, there are things I want to hear from you." He drew out his words slowly and carefully.  
"Hear from me, what?"  
"About you. Everything. You had spoken as if you know anything about me, despite of… er, being worlds apart and never met face-to-face before. It's not fair that I don't know anything about you." The blond gestured to himself and the other teen.  
"Ha, guess what, loser? You know what – _who_ – I am and what my purpose is. That's all. Period." Sneering, Vanitas sat down, spoke so.  
"I don't think that's all. Like… you seemed to dislike me, but I don't know why. I don't like you for a reason, but what about you?"  
The dark boy snorted. "Do you think there's any reason for hating someone?"  
Ventus frowned. Vanitas somehow expected him to snap like weeks ago, but the blond teen kept his composure, or tried to.  
"Maybe. We've seen people doing horrible things without apparent reason. But are you sure you have no particular reason to hate me?"  
"Well, well, well… You really want to hear? Then, I'll tell you. You were a weakling, a loser. I hate weakness. If you were strong enough, I wouldn't be here like this!" Vanitas raised his voice, clenching his fists.  
The blond boy sighed. Perhaps he had been weak back then. But he really hadn't known what the old master wanted from him. He hadn't been able to fight against those Heartless. The old man wanted him to use darkness to fight, but he'd rather die than succumb to darkness. Even though he didn't know how to do it, and he couldn't do then. That was it.  
"Yes, I was weak back then. If I was stronger and obedient, I wouldn't deal with you like this. But you know, if I did give in darkness as Master Xehanort wanted, I wouldn't be here, either." He had no hesitation to say that.  
"So what?" Vanitas retorted.  
"I wouldn't have met Terra and Aqua, and befriended them. Rather, I'd have met those two as enemy, and instead of Terra, Xehanort would've used me as his vessel. In worst case, I – _we_ – could've ended up dead for any reason." Ventus didn't care about Aqua going pale as he pointed that out. It's no use to say 'what if' now, but he wanted to tell them 'if things were played differently'. He knew it could have been worse. That old master often did not speak straight deliberately. He used the way of his speaking to manipulate others(including Ventus himself) and they fell victims to his plot without knowing. Just how many people fell into his trap? The blond boy bit his lip, pushing away billowing anger. This was not the time.  
"Ven..." He could feel Aqua holding his hand. He pulled out the hand slowly, nodding. "It's okay, Aqua."

Vanitas did not have words to argue back, no matter how he wanted to deny what the other said. Well, he could find the right words if he thought hard. He thought he knew what his master wanted, even though he had not seen the full picture of the old man's scheme. Probably that old man had plotted another plan when his original plan had ended in failure. His creation was such an attempt for a new plan, according to his master. If Xehanort succeeded from the beginning, he – _Ventus_ – wouldn't be split in two, but no one could ensure that he'd remain being himself.  
He failed to find the words to talk back. Admit it or not, what Ventus said was plausible. In the end, they had been pawns of _that old man's_ game regardless of whatever already happened or would have happened. Thinking of that might make him feel sick, if he'd ever care.

Funny, before hearing what the blond teen spoke, he never gave a second thought to that. That his own thoughts, volition, and intention might be used as means of accomplishing someone's ultimate goal. Oh, yes, he already acknowledged it to some extent. But back then, he hadn't cared much. If he could forge χ-Blade and take over the other one's body, that would be fine. He had never considered the aftermath of that. Perhaps the old man hadn't known what would happen after that. Well, if he had known already, there was no reason to do all those things, right?

Once started, it could not be stopped. Ventus wanted to hear more.  
"Once you got χ-Blade, what would you do? Other than taking over my body and giving what the old man wanted." He didn't want his question to be like interrogation. It should not.  
Vanitas rolled his eyes.  
"Like I know. I just wanted to get rid of you once it was forged." _And fill the heart with darkness_.  
The blond teen raised his brow. "I thought you wanted to be whole?"  
"I told you I hate weakness. I didn't want to become such wimp again. Not. Ever. Again." The dark one replied with voice dripping venom.  
"And?" Ventus asked as looking at the other boy with wary eyes.

Aqua was watching the two boys talking. In the corner of her heart, she hoped Ventus did not go too far while Vanitas already looked like cornered animal, radiating hostility and wariness all over. Although it seemed that her friend tried to be careful for his words, the other teen was ready for barking and biting in any time.  
"Who knows what the old man expected? Maybe, I just wanted to watch the world burning around me." She let out an inaudible sigh as the dark boy spoke.

It was weird to see the other boy always hiding his face under the slick black helmet, though they already got used to see him wearing that. Ventus was almost out of topic right now, so he decided to talk about it. Knowing how Vanitas used to look like, the blond teen wondered if the dark boy had any reason to hide his face other than concealing his identity or intimidating his enemies, or practical reason.  
He shouldn't have brought that up.

"'My face'?" Vanitas growled between his teeth. "I don't know how I got that, but it was NOT how I was supposed to be!"  
"'Supposed'…?"  
"I WAS supposed to be like you, Ventus, but I wasn't. And you know what? I have not had a face to be called my own from the very first."  
"What do you mean, Vanitas?"  
Instead of answering, the boy from darkness put his hands on the helmet. "Do you want to see it?" He pulled it off from his head.  
Aqua and Ventus gasped, with wide eyes.  
"Like what you see?" The dark boy spat out furiously. "This vile, ugly creature of me?"  
The black helmet was thrown on the ground with crashing sound.

* * *

Authoress L's Note: A lengthy chapter. In my head, Vanitas sounds more sinister, and I doubt if he has any redeeming quality.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Vanitas somehow expected them to scream, or run from him( _very unlikely_ ), or attack him, or laugh at him. But they just kept staring at him in silence. Are they pitying him? He didn't know. They were radiating some kind of emotion he couldn't know or couldn't recognize or couldn't understand. He did not want it, whatever it was. The boy averted his gaze. Various emotions surged up in him, making him feel discomfort, but he didn't pay attention.

Cold tears trickled from his unblinking eyes. He had no idea why, but he hated to appear weak, pathetic, miserable to their eyes. He was not weak. He should not be weak. Funny, even though his emotions were boiling inside and he was like on the verge of crying, his face remained almost expressionless. But that did not stop them looking at him with those undecipherable feelings.

A callous, but ( _sickeningly_ )warm hand touched the cold surface, wiped tears away. Another pair of hands picked up abandoned helmet, put it on the boy's lap. He pried off the hand from his face, put the helmet on.  
"I don't need any pity," His voice was trembling, but he tried to keep his tone even. "especially yours."  
They stepped back, and he stared back, though barely. The negativity he was holding, especially the weaker side that he disdained and suppressed all the time began to surface.

It was all so sudden. An unbelievable sight. Vanitas was sobbing, his body was shaking. Yet he could not find any reason to do that. _So weird_. After a while, he stopped sobbing, but could not stop the tears. Shutting eyes tight, he drew a long breath to calm himself down. He didn't want himself to be overwhelmed with any of those 'weak' emotions.  
Someone wound arms around him, and he flinched away. _What are they doing_?  
"Let me go." He protested. The arms were undone. He opened his eyes.  
Ventus was crouching before him. The blond teen's face looked as if he was about to ask 'Are you all right'.  
"Guess I was wrong. You're still hopelessly naïve and ignorant." The dark boy said scornfully. "Aqua already knows I don't like to be touched."  
"I know." Ventus was smirking. _Smirking?_ "I just wanted to."  
"Hope you're not pulling my leg." Vanitas crossed his arms, snorting.  
"Of course not." The blond's smirk disappeared. "But I'm kinda glad you look okay."  
"Don't pretend that you care about me." As always, the dark boy lay down in the bed. "Leave me alone."

Aqua was watching them so far, now she cleared her throat. "It seems like I had no part to play here, right?"  
"Yeah. All you did was staring at me with wide eyes." Vanitas mumbled under the blanket. "Now get out if you're done."


	13. Chapter 13

13.

Even though Vanitas had broken into tears in front of their eyes once, there was no visible progress between them. He was still on guard, seldom spoke unless it was necessary. In others' eyes, he was like an animal in the corner of cage. When he looked like being cornered and showed sign of irritation, they had to leave him alone until he cooled off, then tried to lower his guard a bit. So far, not much successful yet(he was still on guard, yeah).

But even if they wanted to make progress, they could not stay with him 24/7. They had their routines and chores, so they sometimes left him alone. And he needed that much, wanting to be free from those prying eyes. But once he left alone, it was not surprising that he was extremely bored, just like now. There was not much he could do in this room alone, after all.

Oh, well, perhaps it was his punishment. He still had no idea what they had in their mind. They were still soft, though, this castle was their territory, and Master Aqua was the _lady_ of the castle now, so they could do whatever they could do to him. They just did not do anything to him yet.  
Maybe death by boredom was their plan? Not likely. Although there were not much thing to do, Ventus and Aqua kept visiting him, trying to keep him – _them, both_ – out of boredom. It was him rejecting their help, If they were going to help him. _Hell, what a nonsense_.

Now that he could not feel other boy's emotions, He should make out what kind of emotion Ventus showed when they had talked. Not like he could comprehend it, for he could feel and understand only negative emotions. Even if he could retain such ability, it wouldn't help him that much. _Never helped_.

Vanitas shook his head. His train of thoughts took other direction: his past and present.

Since he came into the existence, no light had ever touched his heart. He might get glimpse of Ventus' feelings many times, but the warm light that blond radiating darkened and lost its warmth when Vanitas tried to reach out for it. Those positive emotions poured out of the other boy, always twisted into something sinister when they touched the dark boy's heart, did nothing good but filled the void of his core with more negativity. Such twisted negativity was all he could get. Even the tiny light probably had touched his heart once was destroyed and consumed by his ever growing negativity in the end. As time went by, it got worse and shedding emotions as Unversed never made things better, rather worsened it.  
Eventually, he stopped longing for what he'd never get. Instead, he concentrated on his negativity, used it to strengthen himself. And from the blackened and badly eroded heart, he made up his mind: destroy all that matters to that blond. Once take over the other one's body and forge χ-Blade, dispose of that wimp and snuff out his light. And watch the whole world suffer. What would happen after that was not his concern.

However, things had changed. He had failed, his master had failed despite of his many backup plans, and the worlds outside were safe, for now. He somehow came back, only to find out that he no longer had any purpose to serve. Nothing left for him. When he heard it from Ventus, he didn't want to believe that. For days, just thinking about it made him furious. But when the blond teen told him about the ugly possibilities of 'what if', he wasn't angry as much as he should have been. Until the other boy slipped his tongue and mentioned his 'face', which he never, ever liked.

He didn't care how he looked like to their eyes. The only thing mattered was _that face_ was not what he supposed to look like. The other boy did not know that. Well, it was obvious, but what the blond said was enough to make his fury boil out. He threw away his helmet out of rage.  
The strange thing was they did not look angry or scared, though they looked a bit surprised. Perhaps they didn't mind how he looked like that much either. There was no mirror in the room, and he dared not to look into his own reflection on the glossy visor. So he wouldn't know.  
The rage he felt subsided quickly, replaced by weaker emotions he always despised. He hated such sudden change in emotion. And their response. He wouldn't understand why they tried to… comfort him? Instead of laughing at him. Nothing was what he expected.  
 _Not really_. He already knew they were not that kind of people. But he was the creature of darkness whom they abhorred. So it was not strange that they'd angry at him. But they were not. What did they want from him?

Train of thoughts kept going out of track so often, lead him nowhere. And the same thoughts repeated in his brain over and over again.  
Frustrated and confused, Vanitas stood up, walked toward the window. He opened the window wide, looked outside. Although there was nothing to see, he could feel the chilly autumn wind. Also the aura of magic filling this room, no, the whole castle.

Aqua once explained him about the spell she cast on the castle: it was for restricting to using power of darkness. Not be able to summoning Unversed seemed to be a secondary effect of the spell. So that's it. He was supposed to be a prisoner here, only to be treated a little nicer. They didn't want to leave a dangerous creature unleashed, did they?  
"What are you gonna do to me?" The boy glared at the blue-haired keyblade master.  
"We haven't decided yet. But trust me. We are not the kind of people who hurt others out of hatred."  
He snorted. They would not do anything bad to him out of hatred and anger, but they already had enough reason. And it was pretty clear they wouldn't forgive him that easily. Every now and then, the stern look they were giving, the coldness often radiating from Ventus, and the ever-repeating-sidetracking-thoughts reminded him of his failures and wrongdoings.

Sighing, he closed the window. Feeling dull ache in his heart, he focused on what kind of emotion he was currently feeling. It was one of skills he learned from Aqua to manage his emotions. Either his emotions could take shape – _by his intention or uncontrollable emotional turmoil_ – or not, he needed other ways to handle them, like normal people do. Such was one of the things Master Xehanort had never taught. Well, _that old man_ was not much interested on teaching 'how to handle your emotions' or something. All he needed was a tool for getting what he wanted, wasn't it obvious?  
But a tool should be maintained, else it will break and be rendered unusable when you need it most. If Vanitas could not control his own darkness, no one would do. Even though he supposed to leave chaos and destruction in his wake by design, the old master wouldn't want something he could not handle. _How clever_.

He stopped pondering, looked up to the ceiling. The magical lights were dim, signaling it was nighttime. He wasn't still sleepy, though. There were books Aqua brought hours ago, but he didn't feel like to read them either.

It was another boring day to him.

* * *

Authoress L's note: Perhaps you can guess what the 'Tiny light' was.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

Ventus could see his surrounding changed. As winter approached, grass was withering away and trees were shedding leaves. The sun peeping through clouds was still warm, but he could feel the air getting colder.  
It was only a month since that bastard had awakened. He was not sure if he should be glad that the situation was a bit better than decade ago. At least the other boy was not overly violent or murderous. He was still on guard and ready to bark or bite or run, but way less menacing.  
There were some more things he hadn't asked yet. Ventus wondered if Vanitas would answer. _Ask about them later_ , he thought, as walking down the road.

He climbed up to the top of nearby hill. There was still not much to do, and this time Aqua was out for visiting other keyblade wielders. Instead of using magical way of communication or inviting guests, they preferred to visit other worlds and meet people face-to-face. Travelling was less boring than dawdling in the empty castle.  
Ventus looked down from the top of the hill. Many of trees in the forest at the foot of the hill were completely bare, or still had some wilted and dry leaves. Cold wind was blowing, making the scenery look more desolate. But somehow it didn't look so bad.  
Back then he used to like greenery at late spring and early summer. Winter was the least favorite of all seasons. But when it was snowy day, the snow covering everything made him playful, until he and others had to clear away the snow in the courtyard. The blond wondered if such days would ever come again. _Maybe not_. He sighed.

Absentmindedly, he looked up to the sky. It was already cloudy, but the gray clouds started getting dark. The sun hid behind the clouds, and he could feel dampness in the air.  
The blond boy hurriedly went down the hill. It was going to be a lengthy walk, and he didn't want to see rain on the way.

Aqua lay in the bed, looking up to the ceiling of the inn room, wide awake. The inn where she stayed was quite clean and well managed in spite of cheap lodging bill. The room was pretty bare, had only a single bed, a side table, a clothes hanger on the wall, and a shelf to put your belongings. She was fine with that, so long as she had a place to stay for a while.  
Sighing, she pulled out a blue charm from pocket. The Wayfinder she made more than a decade ago. She always carried it with her to remind herself of the friendship she shared with her friends. Her fingers were tracing its outline absently. It was still intact, new as that night she held it up under the starry sky with them. But for the others'... Ventus' green one was cracked during one of those battles, and Terra claimed he lost his yellow one, but he didn't remember when or where. It vaguely reminded her that how their friendship became.

Speaking of Terra, it was apparent he still had issues with his darkness. Despite of Riku's help, the brunet had hard time to accept himself, or part of himself. Moreover, he refused to tell any of his problem. Though Aqua could imagine what it was, she just couldn't bring herself to speak openly in his face.  
Her former self would act differently. She'd point it out bluntly, trying to remind him their master's lesson. She knew it would not have worked well in the end. Terra believed Master Xehanort would help sorting out his problem with darkness more, and what had he gotten?  
No wonder he still refused to come back. No wonder he declined proposal for Mark of Mastery. No wonder…  
Aqua sighed once more. She didn't want to bring her own guilt out over again. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

15.

Vanitas thought he had grown accustomed to being near Ventus. Since they had no better thing to do, they often just hung around. Though the blond teen still annoyed him so much.

"See, Vanitas," Ventus lifted his head. Vanitas was sitting on the chair with his feet up on the table, and the blond boy lay down on stomach, reading a book.  
"What is it?"  
"If you had a choice in your life from the beginning, what would you have done?" It sounded oddly innocent, considering how Ventus was acting like recently.  
"Idiot." The dark boy clicked his tongue. "Like I had any choice. You want to hear that I'd leave that old man? Fat chance, blondie."  
Ventus did not say anything, instead he sat up, stared at the other teen.  
"No matter I had choice or not, I would do the same." Vanitas' tone was slightly scornful and bitter.  
"Because you are from darkness?"  
"Heck, do you think so-called denizens of light would accept someone – _something_ – like me? Besides, Master Xehanort was the only person there." _Except you, but then you were empty and lifeless_.  
The blond boy hummed, asked again. "Do you regret what you've done?" This sounded less innocent.  
Vanitas was at a loss for an answer. In the past, he'd scoff and say, "No.". But ever since he had opened his eyes here, he had thought of things that he had done, his own emotions, residents of this castle, and so on. Probably he thought much more than before. Admit or not, remorse and guilt were also part of negativity and capable of dragging people down to darkness if unnecessarily excessive, but they were likewise sign of one's conscience. Although he was not sure if he ever had such thing.  
"Can't tell yet." He said, but it was more like murmur.

Ventus closed the book, stood up. He realised he hadn't eaten yet. Seemed like it was past midday.  
"Do you need anything?" They stopped bringing food weeks ago. And Vanitas didn't mind at all.  
"Nope." The dark boy turned his face to the window, looking out the ever unchanging black sky. The blond teen shrugged, walked out of the room, headed to the kitchen.

Not bothering to take his sandwich to adjoined dining room, Ventus put it on the large table at center, started to eat. He got used to eating alone, though it had been only a few months.  
When Master Eraqus was still alive and Terra was around, this castle was full of life and warmth( _homely and lively_ ). There was no place for loneliness. Even though it was a cage built with sweet lies for the blond kid. They were a family – _kinda_ – and it looked like no one could separate them apart. And it was ruined forever.  
 _Fate was merciless_ , he bitterly recalled things of the past. Even though you try hard, you cannot prevent certain things from happening. And there are things even time cannot heal. All they wanted was to be together and to help each other, against all odds. Destiny was not on their side, sadly. Although they could break out traps of fate eventually, the hurt was so deep, now they were living the consequences. Nothing was like before, and nothing would ever be.  
He choked down. Why was he thinking such thing now? _Who knows_. Whatever was the reason, he wanted someone to be near. To talk with. He and Aqua hadn't had lengthy, proper conversation for months. Terra refused to open his heart to others. Vanitas was who he was.  
Ventus finished eating, leaned against worktable. The castle was emptier than before, and he felt like he was trapped. It seemed to be no exit there. He sighed, head burying in his hands.

In the evening, two boys played a board game.  
"How do you feel?" One of them asked, throwing the dice.  
"Does it mean anything?" Vanitas was watching Ventus moving his piece around the board.  
"I just want to know. Hey, it's your turn." The dark boy rolled the dice.  
"Bored to death." He said, moved his piece.  
"I know, I know." It was the blond teen's turn. His piece was on the same square as the other boy's. He gave a wry grin, handed point chips to the other. "I'm broken."  
"Guess I win this time." The other boy spoke nonchalantly, stood up from the chair.  
"One more time, please?"  
"No." Vanitas walked to the bed as Ventus was cleaning up. He lay in the bed, turned his back to the blond boy.  
"If you learn you have no purpose or something anymore, how would you feel?"  
Ventus blinked. "Is that what you're feeling now?"  
Hmpf, was the dark boy's only response.

* * *

Authoress L's note: Kitchen counter and island counter sound like modern thing(mostly). And, castle kitchen tends to be large enough to hold central workbench, right?


	16. Chapter 16

16.

Aqua wished she wasn't wrong. But one mistake could ruin the truce they formed – _still uneasy_ – all these days. She was waiting for the moment to intervene as watching them fight.

"How did you spend your time when you were under Master Xehanort?" Ventus asked as he threw a dart to dart board hanging on the wall. It seemed like he brought every game he had to Vanitas' room to relieve boredom. Over the time, they spent their times with more relaxed way while Aqua wasn't in the castle, but that was not to say the wariness between them had completely gone.  
"Training, training, more training." The other boy picked up a dart, threw it to the board. "Until I collapsed from exhaustion."  
"Still can't remember well, but I don't think that old man was a good teacher." The blond picked up another dart.  
"But I hate being weak, and he didn't tolerate weakness at all. So I had to do it anyway. What else could I do?" _When you are in the middle of nowhere_. The dark boy bitterly recalled. As far Vanitas remembered, the badlands called Keyblade Graveyard, was the only place he'd ever known truly. In this barren place, there was nothing else to do. His path was already set by his master from the moment he was born, and he needed to be strong to fulfill it. Well, purpose or not, he wanted power anyway. So he tried hard, to prove his worth( _if not, the master would get rid of you_ ). Even if it meant forcing himself into never-ending cycle of pain.  
But when there was nothing to keep him going on, and his existence became utterly pointless, It was inevitable that the weak emotions suppressed all the time were creeping up. Although hanging around with Ventus provided him distraction from such emotions, he still needed a _proper_ outlet.  
Ventus looked like he was thinking something. Soon, he spoke, "Once Aqua is back, I'll ask her if you can use training hall."  
"What, so you want me to do some exercise? How kind. Heck, if I can even call my keyblade." Vanitas looked up the dart board. "Guess you won this time."

Aqua came back after about a week. Vanitas guessed Ventus somehow convinced her, for she told him that he could use training hall once a week.  
"Sparring is okay, but only under supervision. Also, no serious fighting." It was the rule, and he knew he was not in a position to question or to object it. Maybe because of his master's harsh discipline(that old man had never allowed him to do so). Back in the past, this blue-haired girl was no more than a mere wielder like him in his eyes, despite of her title of keyblade master. But since she was in control of everything in this castle now, he could not bring himself to disobey her outright, at least. Like it or not, he must abide by their rule if he was going to stay – he really had nowhere to go, and if he broke the rule, there would be no more chance(if there's any) for him. So he agreed.

He followed her to the training hall. The hall was fairly large place. He sensed it was larger than it looked from outside. Faint illusions of places and beings were floating in the hall, flickering in and out. Aqua explained about those illusions, but the dark boy didn't pay much attention. Except the fact that they do not inflict physical damage though, it may hurt when you are hit. The possibility of feeling physical pain was what that mattered. So you can learn how not to be hurt in the battle as possible.  
He flinched as he tried to call out his keyblade. To be frank, he doubted himself if he could ever call it again. The spell Aqua used did not forbid summoning one's keyblade, she said. She still wore that look of concern, which he didn't like, as she spoke.  
His keyblade did not come immediately. Vanitas could feel it from his heart, but calling it might need some effort.  
"Are you sure you can be fine if I call mine? Have you forgotten what I am?" His tone lacked his usual haughtiness, in spite of his attitude toward her.  
Aqua shook her head, holding her old master's keyblade tightly. Like she could handle it when things were about to go wrong.  
After several times of trying, he managed to summon his. He slowly started moving, as floating illusions landed, materialized around him. They were just dummies for warming-up, he had no problem with beating them even though his fighting skill was a bit rusty. He smirked under the mask.  
"Is that all?"  
More of illusions came around the boy. Though they were weak, they were many. At the end of battle, he was barely standing, breathing heavily.  
"Should we call it a day?" Illusions were dismissed by Aqua's sign. If he was in better condition, Vanitas would say 'No', but his body was sore from this mock battle, and his legs were leaden with tiredness. He nodded, still gasping for breath.  
Back in his room, he collapsed on the bed, slept like a log. He was not expected to wake up until the next midday.

Since Vanitas had been allowed to use training hall, first 3 weeks passed without much problem. He was certain of himself getting better. Well, it also meant he could be more dangerous than being confined in a room. But due to his current condition and restricted power, the boy was barely on a par with dozen of keyblade wielders out there, though he was still a formidable fighter. Master Aqua knew that she was still holding him in leash, but she was aware of the possibility of things going awry.

At fourth week, as soon as Vanitas stepped in the training hall, his eyes caught the blond boy running around, fighting against illusions that took forms of various kinds of Heartless he only read from books. Every single movement Ventus made was swift and deadly. Awestruck? Of course not. It was something Vanitas expected from the blond long ago. So they could have forged χ-Blade. Even though there was no reason to do that anymore and he was weaker than before, still he might despise the other boy if he remained such wimp.

Then, on a sudden, something happened.

He was not sure what made him lunged at the blond teen, keyblade in hand. Negative emotions toward the other boy that he shoved aside during these days, surged out and overwhelmed him. The next moment, everything was a blur.

Aqua was watching the boys fight. She could see it was not a friendly – _Vanitas was still not the most friendly person in the world_ – sparring, but a real fight. She knew Ventus could take care of himself, yet it made her worry(and fear). She clutched keyblade in her hand, biting down her lip.

Ventus could not make sense out of it at all. But there was no time to wrap his head around the reason that the other boy suddenly attacked him. All he could do now was guard, counterattack, and evade. They both knew how they fight, and no one laid a finishing blow yet, their fight could continue until either of them knocked out or gave up with whatever reason.  
He remembered their clash had resulted something terrible once, but was unsure whether it would happen again. The blond teen pushed aside still lingering fear and focused on battle. Slashed afterimage, dodged blow from above, blocked another attack, and so on.  
Vanitas didn't care. He could not even think straight. Consumed by emotions, he snarled, brandishing his keyblade to the blond boy. Going back or forging certain weapon was no longer his consideration. He just wanted to fight regardless of the rule, to vent all the negativity to the other boy. He frantically moved, not successful for striking him a heavy blow.  
About half an hour later, Aqua could see their movements getting slower. Fatigue was showing on Ventus' face, and she was sure the other boy would be tired too. One was already worn out from the previous mock battle, while the other was not yet strong enough to get the upper hand.  
She swallowed, then lifted the keyblade in her hand.

"Enough!" The boys stopped in the middle of the fight, stared at the blue-haired keyblade master. She was holding her keyblade at eye level, and they could see its tip glowing. Alerted, they moved off from each other. The dark boy's smaller frame stumbled back and fell, and the blond boy's knees gave out as exhaustion took them over.

Minutes later…  
"I really, really, hate you." Vanitas hissed.  
"And you are a jerk." Ventus muttered, scowling. They were now sitting up against a wall, gasping for breath. The blond boy was covered with bruises and cuts, and blood was trickling from some of the wounds. They were all shallow cuts, not life-threatening ones, fortunately. The other boy's suit was torn in places, and black smoke-like substance was crawling out from now-closing tears.  
The blond wiped blood from one of larger cuts, then looked at the girl. "Uh, Aqua, do you have some potions? You know, I used up my magic at my dry run. And I don't know if Vanitas has any Cure spell."  
Aqua handed Ventus a potion bottle. "Thank you."  
"I don't need that." Vanitas snorted, turned his head to other side. Holes in suit were already closed, but he knew it would take hours to days to heal his wounds.  
"You don't have to pretend. I can see you hurt." Aqua insisted, so he reluctantly took a potion from her hand. He stared at it warily for a while. As if it was some poison.  
"You don't need to be like that, I mean, always on guard, Vanitas. You know..." The dark boy cut off Aqua's word. "You'll punish me anyway."  
"I'll talk about it later. First, you need to drink that potion." Her tone was like she was about to give some lecture.  
"Fine." He revealed his ashen face by melting away the visor, then waveringly lifted the potion to his mouth.

"Okay, guys." Aqua started to speak, keyblade dismissed. "Would you explain to me what caused this fight?"  
"He suddenly leaped to me." Ventus said, glancing at the dark boy whose face was hidden under the reflective visor again.  
"I don't know what made me." The other boy muttered, one hand on his chest. "All I wanted to do was hurting someone, I think." His voice was low and even, lacking malice or cruelty or haughtiness or any other attributes they could thought of.  
"Then, can you tell us what kind of emotion you felt?" Perhaps Aqua expected him acting like the old times unconsciously. He was still vicious when fighting, but outside of fight, he acted quite obediently(albeit somewhat unwillingly), even though he himself didn't seem to be docile as far as she remembered. She sometimes wondered if he was really changing, or just pretending.  
Vanitas drew long breath. "All of them you called negative emotions you can think of, Ventus. I just can't tell them apart." He said in a slow drawl. "All those emotions toward you." He tried to ignore still lingering unpleasant sensation in his chest.  
The blond teen raised his brow, but didn't look surprised at all. Although they often passed time together, that didn't mean old ill feelings between them were completely resolved. And even if he did not hold much negativity unlike someone-he-knows, he himself couldn't deny that he was angry at the other boy, too.  
Now the dark boy braced himself, sulking. The blond wondered if the other one was afraid of punishment(but who wouldn't be?).

The punishment was decided: Aqua forbid them to use training hall for 2 weeks. Ventus was grounded. And there was one more.  
"Until I return from my trip, you two should organize books and papers left on the desk and floor of the library." For 2 weeks. She was going to leave next day, and while she was out, the boys would be stuck in the library, do what she told them to do.  
"Is that all?" What did this teenager from darkness expect? Sure, they were soft, but not weak, they could beat the crap out of him if they wanted. And at the same time they were not the kind of people who tend to treat other people with violence(outside of fighting). As far he could see, their late master had inflicted minimal corporal punishment on his pupils, only if needed. He remembered a few moment of the blond teen being confined in his room, not allowed to join the training or to go out. He had laughed at the other boy's misfortune, but he had had no idea if it was better or worse than being thrashed.

Aqua's voice broke him out of his thought.  
"That's all. I'll check once I return from the trip, so no cheating!"


	17. Chapter 17

17.

As soon as the boys entered the library, they could see. Literally tons of books and papers were on tables and floor. Some of them were stacked together, and others were scattered here and there. Ventus shook his head, shoulders drooping.  
"Hell, no. I'm out." Vanitas turned to the door, ready to walk out. The other boy grabbed his wrist. "Don't."  
"I don't see the point." He knew it was supposed to be a punishment, though he could not understand why well. Forbidden to use training hall? Make sense. But this?  
"'Working together' is the point, Aqua said." The blond teen said, looking at a note on the notice board. "In a word."  
Maybe Vanitas wouldn't understand what her intention was, but he knew the task should be done even though he was unwilling to do it. He learned he would be penalized more if it wasn't done as it should be by his past experience. Ventus might think differently, but did it matter?  
"Start with these books." The blond spoke, pointing to the book stacks on a table. "She said she already classified them by subject, so all we have to do is put them in bookshelves. The books on the floor were not categorized yet. As for the papers, they must be put into filing cabinets, but they were not categorized either. Looks like it will take many days to gather and sort them." He waved the note he took from the board. The dark boy sighed lightly. The long days would be ahead of them.  
But they began to work anyway.

It was not the most pleasant work to do, but they managed to finish putting books on the table in bookshelves at the third day. At the beginning of the second week, they did most of the books on the floor.  
"I've never thought we can work together like this." Ventus grinned, picking up papers from the floor. The other boy was sorting papers.  
"Is it a good thing?"  
"It's way better than trying to kill each other constantly. Being able to tolerate each other was the improvement in our relationship, I think."  
Yet, Vanitas was unsure if he really changed. The negativity he constantly felt was still there, ready to burst out if chance was given. However, his control over those emotions was getting better, and he didn't feel like that he needed to shed his emotions in physical form anymore. Though he wasn't certain if he can hold his emotions for himself.  
"By the way, what are these papers?" He looked through the papers on the table, tried to find the next page of a paper he was holding.  
"Copies of various letters, reports, and journals gathered by some other people. Haven't read them, though." The blond teen put a stack of papers he picked from floor.  
"I heard more copies are kept in Radiant Garden, and the King – _that talking mouse_ – also has them. The original papers are kept at somewhere else." He babbled more, but the dark boy didn't pay attention much. He didn't want to be distracted from whatever he was doing.  
"Shut up, Ventus. You're annoying." He grunted.  
The blond boy giggled, headed to another corner to gather scattered papers.

During those days, they spent most of their waking hours in the library. Near the end of the second week, only a handful of unsorted papers left on the table. Vanitas rarely left the table, and Ventus watched him with concerned eyes. The other boy's relentless effort to reach the goal would be admirable, but the blond knew the result could be disastrous, depending on what the 'goal' was. The dark boy could even give up his own life to accomplish his purpose once his course was set. It was frightening to think. But what about Ventus himself? He was the very person who could doom himself without hesitation to protect what mattered to him, even though it was out of desperation. They were too much different, but both had been blinded by what they believed back then, maybe.  
He shook his head, picked up a paper not yet sorted. Something he didn't want to recall was written on the paper. He took a deep breath, sat at the table.  
"Go and take a rest. I'll do the rest." He nudged the other boy, who slumped over the table.  
"I'm not tired yet." Although the other boy said like that, he could not hide tiredness in his voice.  
"Yes you are. You know you didn't sleep much."  
"Just leave me alone." Vanitas mumbled, pressing his head with the helmet down against the table.  
Ventus didn't say anything back, returned to work.

Reading the papers thoroughly before sorting them, Ventus could see how wrong the old master was. Well, he already knew what the old man did was wrong. But reading the papers also confirmed that he had wrong idea about some things. No, Ventus would not say everything was wrong about Master Xehanort. Never. But once the old man followed the wrong clue to solve his curiosity, his ideas took a wrong path, then…  
 _He technically ruined many people's life and he didn't care at all_.  
The blond shuddered briefly. Shaking off dread feeling, he tried to focus on his task.

By the time Ventus finished filing remaining papers, he was so tired. Sleep was about to take him over, but he didn't want to sleep on the table or dusty rug. He gazed at the other boy, who seemed to fall on sleep already. The blond boy shrugged, putting his arms around the other boy's smaller body to lift him.  
The dark boy's body still felt cold, and Ventus could not feel his heartbeat or pulse, but the blond teen could hear the other boy's breathing, though weakly. It was so weird. Maybe because Vanitas was being of pure darkness? But for now, all Ventus wanted was going somewhere to sleep.

He barely managed to take the other boy to his room. Too exhausted to walk to his room, Ventus laid himself beside to the dark boy, let sleep take him over.


	18. Chapter 18

18.

When the dark boy opened his eyes, he found himself in his bed, not alone. Someone's warm body was lying close to him. Irritated, the boy tried to push the other person off from the bed.  
He hated it. He hated it because such warmth represented something he couldn't get or couldn't understand, reminded him something he would never get. It had twisted into cold, sinister feeling of jealousy and dark hatred, deepened cracks in his heart more. It hurt. Even now.  
"Ow, what? Izit morning already?" Ventus stirred, but still looked sleepy. Vanitas pushed him harder, made the other boy yelp as he hit the floor.  
"That hurts, Vanitas. What's up with you?" The blond teen looked up the other, rubbing his hip. The dark boy felt anger swelling inside as he was watching the blond.  
"I don't get it, Ventus." He muttered under his breath, struggling to keep his voice level. "I don't get it at all."  
"You don't get what?" The blond climbed on his feet, sat on the edge of bed.  
"Everything." The other boy sat up, gritting his teeth. "Everything you did to me."  
"Can you….. elaborate it?"  
Vanitas swallowed hard. "How come…. How come you treat me…" He had no better word to explain.  
"'nice'?" Ventus assumed a serious look, but could not hide his confusion.  
"Have you forgotten what I am and what I have done?"  
"Of course not." The blond boy shook his head. "But you already know what kind of people we are."  
"I don't deserve it." The other boy choked. "I don't deserve all of these…. I don't know what to call it." It was so foreign to him, something he could never understand. Again, he failed to find the proper word.

He was angry at Ventus, but at the same time other – _weaker_ – feelings mixed with, confused him more. Now his brain was a mess, he didn't know what to say. The words thrown to the blond teen became rambling speech.  
"All I did was hurt you and your friends I suppose to be your enemy and now I'm your prisoner you should be angry at me yet you are… you are nice to me I, I should not be weak I am not pathetic but why, why am I..." His eyes were stinging, and he felt something cold and wet on his cheeks. A pair of hands slowly lifted his helmet, exposing bare face of the boy.  
Tears rolled down his cheeks. Like last time, he didn't know why he was doing so while his anger welling out. Mixed emotions washed him over, and it seemed to be impossible to hold them back anymore.

Ventus didn't know what to do or what to think. It was the least thing he anticipated from the other one. He was looking down on Vanitas kneeling on the bed, head bending low. The dark boy was trembling, but the blond could not tell what made the other boy act like that.  
"I was never good enough if I was good enough he wouldn't do it to me I'm a failure an abomination a vile creature –" Ventus bit down on his lip listening his incoherent babbling. Part of such babbling made him recall the moment _that old man_ claimed him – _them_ – a failure, a mistake. Frowning, the blond teen clenched his fists.  
"Please, stop."  
The dark boy did not hear him. "– You have everything I have nothing it hurts me your light, your warmth hurt me ihateyouihateyouihateyou..." He wrapped his arms around his torso, unable to stop rambling on.  
Hearing the other boy's incoherent speech, Ventus shut his eyes tightly. His heart was clenching, throat constricting. He took a deep breath, holding back tears brimmed in his eyes.

It was hard to breathe. Pain surged on, this time Vanitas could not ignore it. This had been the worst in recent months. Unlike the previous pain attacks, it was really crippling. He stopped speaking in the middle of his babbling. Stifled whimper was broken between his lips.  
"Vanitas?" Ventus opened his eyes, stared at the other boy with surprise. He could read pain in the other one's face. The ghastly pale face was contorted with pure agony and body was violently trembling as if the boy had fever. Not knowing what was wrong with him, the blond cast his Cure spell on the other boy. It didn't do anything.  
"It won't work anyway, Ventus." Vanitas uttered painfully under breath. He lay on his side, hands clutching on his chest. "You'll never know... what it's like." He was getting out of breath, and everything was going black. He could not do anything but waiting for this pain going away.  
"Y-you can't do anything to alleviate this pain. Your warmth... only hurts me more. Practically every emotion... can... bring me... such pain." It was hard to talk. For now, he wished he could return to the void and sleep again, so he would not feel anything. He didn't see – _no, couldn't see_ – the blond teen's expression.  
Clearly Ventus did not like not being able to help someone in pain. If nothing can ease the other boy's torment, then? However he needed to do something right now, even though it was temporary means.  
He put the dark boy to sleep by casting Sleep spell. That was all he could do now.

Cleaning the other boy's tear-stained face with wet towel, the blond teen couldn't help but thinking about what he said. From those incoherent stream of words, Ventus could sense another side of Vanitas' negativity: fear, cowardice, self-loathing, confusion, brokenness… Considering the dark boy's personality, such emotions would be what he was holding in contempt. Vanitas didn't seemed to understand why those 'weak' emotions suddenly poured out. Though he shed tear in front of Ventus twice, he also didn't seemed to have any idea why he did so. Maybe he suppressed his emotions too long, until he himself forgot he had such emotions?  
The blond teen sighed, looked at the sleeping teen. What should he do? He really had no idea. Aqua would be back tomorrow, perhaps she could tell what to do. Or he could seek help when it's his turn to travel and get supplies.

For the mean time, watching over the other boy would not be a bad idea. Well, not like he had anything else to do right now. He tucked the dark boy into the blanket, then sat on the chair again.


	19. Chapter 19

19.

It took the dark boy several days – _more than a week_ – to recover from the recent pain attack. Aqua was back from her trip and took care of him with Ventus by turns, and he still hated to see her concerned look. Their affection… well, there was no better words he could thought of, was something he hadn't gotten used to yet.  
No matter how he despised such affection, he could not shake it off. No matter how he wanted them to stop caring, he could not deny something he had never understood filled his void, even though it was only a bit and his heart remained pitch-dark.

And days passed.

He was lying on his back, watching chain patterns on the ceiling which were glowing gently. They had some magical quality, though he was vaguely aware of that.  
Magic was something strange, yet powerful force. _And so were keyblade masters_ , he thought. Aqua was good at manipulating such force on a whim. The retired master, what was his name? He was a powerful sorcerer, if the boy recalled it correctly. He would be no match for them in terms of magic.  
By the way, why did he think about that suddenly? Maybe because Ventus told him about meeting other masters? There were only a few – _counted on the fingers_ – keyblade masters around, and at least one of them was recently named. Neither the blond nor the blue-haired girl talked about the new master that much. Well, they had not talked about the worlds they visited much, either. Not that it mattered to him. It was pointless to hear about places or people he'd never see or meet. After all, he was a dangerous creature, the chance of being released to the outer world was slim.  
This place was his prison, and patterns on the ceiling firmly reminded him of that. Vanitas chuckled dryly.

Aqua worried about the boy's condition. As far she observed, his heart never healed, not even showed slight hint of getting better. Though it did not show any sign of getting worse, either. He was apparently functional for now, however she couldn't be sure if his heart would stay stable in the long term. Moreover, even excluding Unversed, it was obvious his emotional problem causing trouble in the form of physical pain. Most of time such trouble was barely noticed, and he never complained.  
But this time was different. Even with magic-induced sleep, the pain written on the teen's ashen face could be easily read. And there was Ventus' panic-stricken gaze. The blond boy didn't know what to do with this, and she, honestly had no idea either. They were not used to handling this situation. And there were few things they could do.  
"I've never thought it's that bad." Ventus said. Aqua simply nodded. Only in recent months, they started to understand the enigmatic teenager from darkness. Although it wouldn't lead them to 'instant' forgiving, it was the first step toward having better relationship, at least for them(even if it would be a jailer-prisoner relationship). Well, they wondered how the other boy thought, for his mindset was quite different(mostly pessimistic?). But they could hope(if only they can).

"Whatever you think, it's useless." Vanitas said it with expressionless face. He was lying on the bed, gaze fixed at the ceiling.  
"Why?" Aqua looked away from a book she was reading, stared at the boy.  
Ventus took off the day before, and not expected to return within a month. There was only so much they could do in this isolated castle, but they tried to pass the time with less boring way. Like this. Or do it differently.  
"I was born through the pain, lived through the pain. In a word, pain is part of me. It's not something you can change, like what I am."  
Not entirely true, but did it matter anyway? Well, she didn't seem to swallow his words. "But I can see… you don't like it. No one should be like that."  
"So what? Save your pity. There's nothing you can do about me and my pain. Period." But she could feel something hidden beneath his sarcastic tone. It was another thing she didn't expect from him in the past. The blue-haired girl sighed, closed the book in her hand.  
The dark boy closed his eyes, feeling a pair of hands putting a blanket over him.

Several days passed.

In the training hall, a dark figure was moving against ever-changing illusionary beings, casting spells here and there. Now that he could not use most of his dark power here, he often relied on basic elemental magic when in training. Aqua was watching the dark boy blasted an illusion with Thunder spell. He grinned under the mask, turned to her as remaining illusions were dissipating.  
"Should I call it a day?"  
The boy shook his head. "I want more."  
The blue-haired girl understood what he meant.

They reminded themselves that it was supposed to be a sparring, not a real fight. While locking their weapons together, Vanitas laid his eyes upon the newer scars on Aqua's exposed shoulders and arms. He vaguely remembered she had had no such scars there. She must have gone through a lot. She was still dancing with her magic elegantly, but there was subtle difference. He just couldn't lay a finger on why. Had he ever been curious to know about other people's business? Funny.  
He might have been distracted. Feeling the girl pressing her weapon in his back( _Damn, when does she move behind him?_ ), he dismissed his keyblade. From the back of his mind, he thanked it was not a serious fight, though he knew being distracted was unacceptable even in sparring.  
"Are you okay?" _Please, stop worrying about me, you are annoying_ , the dark boy muttered inside.  
"I'm just a bit tired." He flopped down on the stone bench at the corner. Aqua handed him a potion. He took off his helmet to drink it.  
In recent weeks, he felt less uncomfortable exposing his face than before. Maybe because no one commented about his face. Ventus once told him with shy grin, "Your face is fine. Just… we were surprised because it was not quite what we've imagined.". It was the only time someone mentioned about that. Though still, he avoided looking into mirror or any other reflective surfaces.  
He put down now empty bottle and glanced at the keyblade master who was looking up with distant eyes.  
"I don't know what you're thinking," The boy said that casually. "but there's something I want to hear."  
The blue-haired girl hummed.  
"I see how Ventus didn't age a bit during all those years, but what about you?"  
Her expression slightly darkened. Instead of answering, she muttered some kind of spell he'd never known.

"Realm of Darkness..." The illusions reshaped the training hall according to Aqua's memories. Literally, memories of the darkest times.  
Jagged rocks, high cliffs… A dismal landscape under inky black sky. It was their surrounding now.  
She did not tell her experience of past decade verbally. Instead her magic allowed the boy watching what she had gone through. The illusionary landscape changed over time, showing gray, desolate mountainous area first, then remnant of various worlds next. Most of those places could be easily recognized.  
"The worlds destroyed and consumed by darkness." So many things happened outside, but in this realm, you are blind and deaf to outer world. And there was no conception of time. Rather, time is not flowing there to be exact. Yet things happened even in this seemingly static realm.  
There was no sign of any life. The only occupants were those pesky Heartless. And they were stronger there, even the smallest Shadows(no, not much, but stronger nevertheless). Sometimes you can see horde of them moving around, seeking any unfortunate heart stumbled in. Or gigantic Darkside towering over you. Or something sinister you have never seen in other realms.

It was cold, suffocating, and unforgiving, even though the scenery around the dark boy was mere illusion. Being a creature of pure darkness didn't always mean he could be safe there. A heart of darkness was still a heart nonetheless, could attract any Heartless nearby. Aqua told him that Heartless can obey anyone with enough darkness, however if they let their guard down, those creatures can rob the person's heart(unless said 'person' is a Nobody, a being already lost his/her heart).  
"Not much better than my Unversed. Well, I remember that old geezer summoned some Heartless and used them to train me, but I had never bothered to ask where they were from." Though Vanitas was not sure how long he could stand against hordes of Heartless if he somehow ended up there, even with Unversed.  
"That may not be the worst part." Aqua continued to show her memories about Realm of Darkness.

Broken dreams, twisted and fragmented memories, guilt and regret and helplessness were pulling her legs down for all those years. Sometimes she saw hallucinations about happier times, and at other times she confronted her inner fears in various forms. But she kept going on despite of those burdens.  
In the end, she got out of that hellhole in one piece.  
The scenery now changed to a beach, the margin of the realm. It was oddly silent and peaceful. A ball of pale light hanging near horizon – _sun or moon in that realm?_ – scattered light on the gray beach.  
Vanitas wondered what made Aqua smile here. No, what had kept her will to go on until she reached this beach and waited for help. She was holding onto something, obviously. Something which gave her hope.  
It was _that_ again. The thing he could never have. He knitted his brows, picked up the helmet. Angrily stomping out, he did not hear her calling him.  
The illusionary landscapes around them dissolved, reverting the place to its original state.

It must be nighttime. Vanitas had no memory of having nightmare, but he felt like he had one. He gasped, bolted upright. He didn't know why or what, but he was scared for something he couldn't help. The boy was unsure if he was really scared, though.  
Not feeling like to sleep again, he stood up and stepped out of the room.  
Just out of the door, he stopped his feet, leaned his head against a wall. He would not go back to sleep, but not going to go anywhere else either. He did not have full access to the castle yet, so most of the rooms and facilities were off-limits. But did it matter anyway? Most of those places were for living or formal ceremony, and left being locked forever even before the destruction of the Land, from what he heard(only handful people were living there at once, and this castle never had many guests). They gave him permission to use places they were actually using, except their rooms(and kitchen and dining room, but do not count them because he had **absolutely** no use for them).  
Light footstep was heard from somewhere. Where? He whirled around, saw Aqua walking towards him. She also didn't look like she had a good sleep.  
"Hey." She was wearing ugly khaki cardigan on light blue pajama, a hand running through mussed hair.  
"Can't sleep, huh?" He laughed lightly under his mask. It sounded a bit haughty, but was a genuine laughter, not scornful or maniac or intimidating. The blue-haired girl pouted. "Do I look that funny?"  
The boy did not answer, just shrugged.

They walked down the corridor of living quarter. The sound of his boots and her slippers hitting on tiled stone floor was the only sound they could hear. After some minutes, they reached a locked door across the kitchen. There was larger door next to this door, and it was also locked. Aqua told him the larger door lead to the banquet hall, but it wasn't used for some decades, just like other places behind locked doors.  
Since she did not bring keys(and she didn't want to go back to her room just because of them), she summoned her keyblade to open the door.  
"We used to lounge here when we had nothing else to do." The blue-haired girl said as they stepped into the sitting room.

The sitting room looked like being unused for a good while. All furniture pieces were covered with white fabrics, and thin layer of dust was covering the floor. Aqua removed cover from the sofa, and sat down on it.  
"Sorry, sometimes I forget to clean here."  
"Like I'd mind." The boy sat beside her, removed the visor.  
"It's a bit cold." The blue-haired girl gazed at the fireplace. "Should I go and get some firewood?"  
"I'm fine."  
Aqua looked like thinking something for a while, then rose from her seat.  
"Wait a minute. I'll bring blankets and cushions." As walking out of the sitting room, she mumbled, "I should've placed a storage box here".

The blue-haired girl came back after a good dozen of minutes, arms full of blankets and a large cushion.  
"Here." She tossed a bundle of blanket she took from a nearest storeroom. He received the bundle, unfolded it so the blanket could cover his lap and below. But instead of sitting and covering herself with blanket, Aqua looked like she just remembered something. Yeah, she definitely did.  
"Looks like something warm to drink is needed now." She headed to the kitchen.  
Guess he had to wait some minutes more.

"Have some?" She was holding a mug of warm milk when she came back from kitchen. He shook his head.  
"Nah, you know I don't need that." He started speaking which no one had asked yet, just for the sake of speaking. "You already know I'm not like you. This body is nothing but a lump of dark mass, formed a shell to serve as a vessel of heart. I can breathe, talk, and drink potion, but I don't think I have real organs for that. I can feel only darkness inside. Makes me less than real people."  
"That doesn't mean you are not real."  
"Heh, a creature like me was not supposed to exist, you know that?"  
Aqua stared at the boy with a serious look. "We all saw you as a _person_ , not _a thing or a creature_. No matter what kind of evil thing you have done. Even now, you are still a person, and real to us."  
"Terra would disagree." The dark boy shrugged.  
"He once told me he should've not swallowed every word from Master Xehanort. Especially about you. He knows what you are, and though he is not fond of you still, he did not object our decision." Speaking of Terra, he did not like Vanitas being here. But he also knew they had no other choice. So, despite of still remaining resentment towards the dark boy, the brunet understood and accepted it. Although he did not ask how he was doing that much when he was talking with his friends.

They lapsed into silence. Aqua sipped her milk, Vanitas stared at the ceiling with vacant eyes. The silence was a bit awkward, but not uncomfortable. They stayed like that for a while.

"I have been thinking I don't belong." The dark boy said quietly, broke the silence.  
"All of sudden, why?" The blue-haired girl put her now empty mug down on still covered coffee table. Her gaze was fixed on the boy with surprise.  
"After all, I'm a being of darkness, and it's all I can be. I don't have own place anywhere in the Realm of Light, or Realm In-between. I considered retreating to Realm of Darkness once, but your memories told me otherwise." Now his gaze was downward, but his eyes were not looking at anything.  
"In the training hall, I was angry because unlike you, I don't have anything to cling to. It reminded me of what Ventus said: 'My friends are my power!'. I wouldn't buy that, but now..."  
"Now?"  
"In the past, I was sure I didn't need anyone, not even secretly. I have believed I could live on my own. But now I am not certain of that any longer. You cannot survive such realm without strong will, and I'm unsure even a being from darkness can."  
"Vanitas..." The blue-haired girl could see the boy sulking.  
"I can't have hope. I do not believe in salvation. All bullshit." Said that, he bit his lip.  
"You've been doing well, by the way." Aqua wanted to change the topic. He looked moody now, and she thought he needed cheer. "I can see you have been changed. You –"  
He cut her words off. "I don't think I have been changed that much."  
Looked like it didn't work well.  
"Hmm… What makes you think like that?"  
"All the time, I merely obeyed your rule. I chose to do so. Disobedience always lead me into trouble, from the very beginning. When you have control over everything here and if I do not abide by rules, you would get rid of me." He sounded a bit scared, she thought. Feeling lump in her throat, she swallowed hard.  
"If I'm good enough, you'd forgive me. That's what you want from me, right? But it won't change what I am. I'm a dangerous beast, and this castle is my cage. It's the fact. I just… can't bring myself to attack you or to pull trick on you like before. I can't fight against you."  
"Was it…?" Dumbfounded, she just stared at the boy.  
"I'm just weak." He should not be. But his words betrayed his thoughts. Shutting his eyes tightly, he put his fist on the chest. When the wall of vain pride was crumbled and gone, he could not help another side of his negativity he always despised surfacing. It happened again and again. Though Aqua taught him how to handle emotions in better way, he tended to put such weak emotions aside and bottled them up. But he wouldn't break into tears this time. He must not. He took a deep breath, then opened his eyes.

There was brief pause before the boy spoke again, with different subject.

"Thought of running away never occurred to me throughout my whole existence. He gave me a purpose, and as long as I have something to do, I was fine."  
He never went into the detail. Aqua might wonder about his life with Master Xehanort, but as Ventus stated once, that old man would not be a good teacher that much probably.  
"Well, if I do not follow his order, he'd punish me. That's the rule, isn't it? But as long as I obey him, he just left me alone. So it was not that bad." He told it as if he was talking about someone else.  
Now he didn't look moody, but something was not right in his tone. She couldn't tell what or why. Perhaps it's his way of talking about himself? He sounded sincere, yet somewhat detached. It felt a bit similar to how he spoke long ago, albeit minus taunt.

"About that day, your Mark of Mastery, I was there too. No one paid attention to uninvited guest. How convenient. While _My master_ started to set the plan in motion, all I did was watching you from hiding spot." Maybe it was more than passing time. Talking about the past event was somewhat like he was confessing. The boy's hands were clutching blanket on his lap.  
"Ven mentioned about someone saying 'Terra will be changed' back then. What do you know?"  
"Planting seed of doubt is not harder than you think, Aqua. Only a few words are enough. I often spied on you through Ventus' eyes and mind, so I knew much about you. With that, it was not difficult to pick right word. Well, the old man didn't tell me much about Terra's place in his plan at first, he just told me Terra had some use for him."  
His words were a bit rushed, and Aqua could see his body momentarily tensed.  
"By his order, I roamed world to world, spread Unversed. I still don't know how my emotions can take forms, but I do know when they come out, and how to use them, in spite of my hatred for them. I'm sure some people might see me with them."  
"There had been rumor about 'The Masked Boy with monsters', if I can recall it." She added.  
"Seems like that rumor was enough to motivate you to chase my whereabouts."  
"Yes."  
The boy glanced at her. She looked back. No one seemed to be tired yet, despite of lack of sleep.

He continued to speak. "At one moment, I encountered with Ventus on my way somewhere else.  
"The encounter was a pure chance; but it could've happened in any time, any way. Besides, _we_ wanted to test his progress anyhow." Saying that, he pulled up the blanket as if it could give him warmth, though he knew It wouldn't make him any difference.  
"I thought he was weak, pathetic. Yeah, that was why I laid my eyes on you, Aqua. I was angry, frustrated, and desperate back then. You had no place in the old man's plan originally. He only saw you as a nuisance. Maybe... it would never work as intended, but I didn't care. I never gave a shit.  
"In the badlands called Keyblade Graveyard, Ventus confronted me. To be exact, I changed my course, and he followed me there. I taunted him again, and a fight ensued. He couldn't defeat me, was not even par with me, and I was very disappointed and angry." He tensed again, but kept his voice even.  
"I could've killed Ventus, hasn't he told you? Then there was an intruder. A talking mouse with a keyblade." Vanitas smirked wryly.  
"They beat me, and it made a good excuse for me. I defied my master's order, and if he knew that I'd be punished. Well, he didn't."  
"Then what about the encounter with me at Radiant Garden and Neverland?"  
The dark boy blinked. "All we needed to do was goading you people to the designated place. Didn't matter if I won or lost there. I told you, as long as I did not disobey him outright, I could do anything as I pleased. When the time had come, what we wanted to happen had happened eventually." He refrained from bringing up the topic of wooden keyblade he had broken. Didn't need to, at all.  
"Ventus and I were destined to form χ-Blade, the old man said. You know what it means."  
"Keyblade War." Aqua shook her head. "But it was not. The greed for light and discord among the people caused the war, just like the old story I once heard."  
"But who cares? He wouldn't care if he got what he wanted."  
 _He never cared_ , she thought.  
"You may not know, but it never worked well." The dark boy continued. "No heart would work like that. No one was gonna give up own sense of self. You may guess what happened inside. I'm sure Ventus remembers it pretty well, unless shattering χ-Blade somehow messed up his memory."  
And that was the end of his story. About what happened to his heart, he knew no more. "The only thing I know is, I was…in a void, sort of. Just before I opened my eyes here." There was uncertainty in his voice, and it could not be missed.

Silence hung in the air again for a while before the blue-haired girl opened her mouth.

"We found you at Keyblade Graveyard. We… still don't know why you were there, unknown for everyone." Aqua tugged her blanket up. Her eyelids were now heavy.  
"You should've left me there…" Vanitas trailed off, with half-lidded eyes.  
"You know we can't..." The girl closed her eyes, mumbling. The dark boy did not say anything else. Just beside her, he pillowed his head on the large cushion and closed his eyes.

* * *

Authoress L's Note: A uselessly wordy and lengthy chapter. I think I should've split it...


	20. Chapter 20

20.

When Ventus returned to the castle, He saw the dark boy dawdling in the main hall, near the entrance. Aqua was nowhere to be seen.  
"Er…. Hey." Still, he wasn't sure if it was the right way to start. The other boy did not answer. Instead he came closer to the blond.  
"Have you seen Aqua?"  
"She's probably at the library or somewhere." The dark boy said it as if it was none of his business. "She sent me instead."  
"Then, can you help me to carry supplies?"  
"If it is what you want me to do." It was still hard to tell if the boy was sincere. Often his demeanor was snarky and his words were sarcastic. At least he let down his guard a bit, made him look less like being cornered.  
The blond teen started to put the crates of supplies on the hand cart. He wondered if the other boy could pull the cart alone(these crates were quite heavy).

"These canned food and dried food should go into this pantry. Yes, there..." In the kitchen, they were putting the groceries in the adjoined pantry. The frozen food was already in the ice box, leaving fresh food stuffs. Usually such fresh food was hard to keep without being spoiled; though magic was helpful, they had to be consumed as soon as possible.  
Something crashed on the floor while Ventus was arranging groceries on shelves. When he turned around, he saw several cans – _the last batch on the table_ – rolling on the stone floor. Vanitas looked flustered, his eyes were staring upon those cans.

Yes, he admitted he was terribly unversed in mundane chores and activities, but it was… embarrassing? Funny, he can't even do such simple thing right! One mistake could ruin everything. His master might never allow mistakes as well as other flaws and weaknesses( _though his standard of flaws and weaknesses was somewhat debatable_ ).  
"Take it easy. They are just cans. No one was hurt, and nothing was broken." But what's the matter? He dropped cans he was carrying. Shouldn't he be scolded for that? He swallowed, trying not to run from the scene.  
The blond was picking up the dropped cans. Vanitas' eyes caught faint scars – _some of them were very faint, almost invisible_ – on the blond boy's palms and fingers, probably from cuts, but outside of battle clearly. Ha, how hadn't he seen them earlier?  
"I made mistakes a lot when I first did daily chores, though simple." Ventus put the cans back on the table. "I even got my injuries by broken glasses and porcelains sometimes. They did not scold me for broken cups and dishes that much. Well, they were a bit overprotective, but such experiences made me more careful." He handed a few cans to the other boy. "No one here forces you to carry all these cans at once. Hey, are you okay?"  
The dark boy nodded, carried the cans to the pantry.

In his room, his body was sore all over, and he felt oddly drained. Though it was incomparable with usual training he had in the past, it was still laborious task carrying those (often heavy)crates to storerooms and store the contents repeatedly.  
Yet he was wide awake in the bed. His mind was wandering like the other days.  
"Stupid, stupid..." He muttered, tossing and turning.

He used to think about them being soft and naïve and stupid. Well, they might be still soft, but he knew they were not weak or stupid now(albeit clueless sometimes). They knew what they were doing most of the time, and allowed the other boy to learn from his mistakes though tolerating such small mistakes.  
His old master would have sneered at them. Ha! How wrong they had been.  
Not all situations were about life and death. And not all mistakes made a line between them. Some mistakes can be tolerated and forgiven easily. But back then, he had made every effort to accomplish the goal that old master set, could not afford to allow himself tolerating such small mistakes. Just like that old man.  
Probably, he had been afraid of that. Making mistakes and being labeled as a failure.  
Vanitas sighed, closed his eyes, though it didn't look like he could sleep so soon.

His thoughts were going on and on, taking tracks by their own. Then somehow his thoughts branched to something he never had: friend, or companion? He had no clear idea why.

As far he could see, Ventus (almost)always had people around him. And according to the blond, he and his friends learned from each other(even from their mistakes), encouraged each other, comforted each other. The memory of their friendship made them allow to overcome hardships.  
Vanitas had been jealous of the blond teen, but while he had had no real desire of having anyone at his side(aside of that old geezer), it was just jealousy for the sake of jealousy. Other feelings were the same; every negative emotions toward the other boy were for their own sake, since he had given up yearning for what the other boy has.  
Until he simply wanted to destroy everything.

Again, his wandering thoughts repeated inside of his head over and over.  
 _Damn, I should stop it_. Thinking so, Vanitas bit inside of his cheek. He didn't like this old habit and forbore to do so, but he could not keep himself from doing that now. At least it let him forget mild discomfort from his heart. He buried his face into the pillow, trying to purge his mind of such thoughts.

 _Terra will not return_. Ventus swallowed lump in his throat. Holding the mug of tea, he looked upon Aqua across the kitchen table.  
"I know." It was the first time she had spoken in an hour.  
"He told me he wanted to start a new life. that's all."  
They lapsed into silence. The only sound was pops from the old fireplace. They might respect the brunet's decision, though they wouldn't understand his reason behind it. Even if it meant Terra would give up the way of keyblade wielder.  
How ironic that such decision was from the man who had becoming keyblade master as his biggest goal of life. Though Aqua kept her collected look, The blond boy could tell she was anxious. Maybe even upset.  
"What do you want to do from now, Ven?" She asked.  
Ventus did not give clear answer.

Days passed.

It was just another day. Although Vanitas still didn't understand why Aqua wanted him to participate in daily activities, he did what he was told. At least having something to do made him less worry about his still endlessly repeating and branching thoughts.  
It was middle of afternoon. As he finished clearing ash from kitchen fireplace and was about to retreat to his room, he saw someone walking down the corridor, toward him. It was Ventus.  
"Er… do you have time?" The blond scratched back of his head.  
"Why?" The dark boy had some free time until the end of dinner. Although he didn't eat there(not like he'd eat anything elsewhere), he would spend some time helping Aqua cleaning the kitchen, then call it a day.  
"Wait here." The blond teen said that, hurriedly ran somewhere.

The boy returned to the kitchen after nearly dozen of minutes, holding something in his hand.  
"Hey, wear this." In Ventus' hand, there was an overcoat, holding folded mufflers in another hand. And he was wearing an overcoat and gloves.  
"What is that?" Vanitas blinked, stared at the garments in the other teen's hands.  
"We'll take a walk. I already told Aqua." The blond shoved the coat and a muffler in the other boy's arms. Still baffled, but the dark boy put them on anyway.  
"No one ever said you can't walk out of the castle," The blond teen said, wrapping muffler around his neck. "though no one can be certain if it is okay for your heart. But I don't think it will be that bad. After all, you need fresh air, although it's a bit cold."  
"I don't mind being cold." _The badlands was always cold at night_ , Vanitas thought.  
"You'll see why I brought you my coat once you're out." Holding the other boy's hand, Ventus began to walk. Instead of resisting, the dark boy just followed the blond behind.  
Little did he knew it would be quite long walk.

It was middle of winter, Ventus could see frozen remnants of snow that had fallen a few days before. The sunshine was weak and barely warm, but since no wind was blowing at this moment, it wasn't that cold. But soon, in some tens of minutes, the sun will go down. It was about a month past winter solstice, the blond assumed.  
They went up the nearest hill. On the top of the hill, Ventus looked down at the forest, now desolate and frozen.  
"I used to like spring and early summer." He never asked the other boy about his favorite season. In the badlands, there was hardly any distinction between the seasons, as far as he remembered. But he wondered if Vanitas liked scenery of winter.  
He sat down, heels digging into the dry grass and dirt. The other boy did the same. Without saying anything, they gazed at the western horizon.

They sat still, watching the sunset. Red afterglow spread over the horizon made Ventus recall certain red-haired guy he once met long ago, now one of his comrades. Whenever he visited Radiant Garden, he almost always meet Lea, spent time together. Including watching sunset at the castle or any other point with good view.  
Somehow such activity painfully reminded him how Lea regretted what he'd done and mourned his loss. Although that guy acted normally – _as if nothing bad ever happened to him_ – in front of the blond( _and buys Ven the sea salt ice cream_ ), he wondered if Lea can ever be happy again.

Now the stars began to appear as the sky darkened. Temperature dropped, but Ventus didn't mind cold – _freezing_ – air. He looked up to the sky. There was no cloud or dust layer to obstruct the view; stars lit brightly in _perfectly_ dark sky. The moon was waning, so it won't rise until midnight.  
"It is still astonishing," He said. "that each of every star represents separate, independent world." The blond glanced at the other boy, who was casting his gaze downward. "Have you ever wondered what the other worlds look like?"  
"Nope, not at all." It was more like murmuring than speaking. "I had not even looked at them."

Vanitas was not really fascinated with visiting new place or meeting new people. He preferred to stay at familiar place, doing things he was well-versed in: like fighting. He only moved around by his old master's orders, and never stayed too long. Few people saw him: usually he stayed at some corner to remain unseen or his Unversed chased people off before he stepped on open area.

"I haven't been interested in what the other worlds were like. In my eyes, they were too bright, disgustingly." He muttered silently.  
"Then, do you have anything you like other than…?"  
The other boy shook his head weakly. "What do you expect from a being composed with pure darkness and negativity?"  
Ventus hummed.  
"Are you sure? I'm sure there are things you can enjoy other than fighting or bothering me."  
"I don't know what it means, Ventus." The dark boy snorted, still looking down on the ground.

"Terra said he won't come back." The blond teen spoke, breaking momentary silence.  
"So?" Vanitas lifted his head, looked at the other boy.  
"He wanted to start a new life. And Aqua asked me what I'm going to do."  
Swallowing, the blond teen fixed his muffler.  
"I think I have to decide if I'll stay and take my Mark of Mastery or leave and start new life in a few years. Well, either way, I will leave here eventually. Aqua seems to want me staying, but I, I…"  
"I What?"  
"I don't think I'd become a keyblade master." Ventus said it with wry grin.  
"Wasn't it your dream?"  
The blond boy shook his head. "Not really. It was an idea they constantly fed me. Not like I had other path. Master Xehanort had no intention to raise a successor; Master Eraqus might accept me as an apprentice, but his intention was keeping me in his cage with lies indefinitely. He already had suspicion about the other master and me, then why would he make me a master?" Gloved hand brushed his bangs away. His bright azure eyes hardened again, the other boy could tell the blond was upset.  
"He told me I was talented, but that was all. In his eyes, I had never been a master material." He sighed, bit his lip.  
Then the blond turned his face to the other boy. "What about you, Vanitas? Have you ever thought of what you're gonna do from now?"  
"Funny, I've thought of many things these days, but I have never thought about my future. Like I have one."  
"Perhaps we can travel around the worlds together someday." The blond's eyes softened as he said that.  
The dark boy snorted. "Hmph, It's just your dream, not mine. No one will like a wild, dangerous creature roaming in their backyard. Or front yard, whatever. Especially that creature is spreading monsters everywhere."  
Ventus sighed. It was so true. Though Aqua's magic helped the other boy holding his emotions so far, but outside of the castle, no one was sure. Yeah, under the starlit sky, there was already a sign of Unversed spawning, the blond could see the other teen wincing as his fist smacking and crushing dark spots around him. Soon, there will be more, and the cycle continues. It never made anything better.  
"I'd rather stay in the castle, blondie. As long as I don't cause any trouble, you'll be happy. Aren't you? And I'm tired of hurting myself like this." All those emotions toward Ventus and others returned to him in the end, hurt him more, over and over. The twisted satisfaction from others' suffering never gave him true relief, for he knew it would be worse. He wanted to stop it.  
Vanitas stopped his fist, drew a long breath. Dark spots around him disappeared, as if they were absorbed by the dark boy.  
"But is there anything you want to do other than stay here?" He could hear the blond teen saying.  
"Hell, no. I don't have any purpose, I don't belong anywhere, not even to you. My existence is utterly pointless."  
"You can have future, you can make your own. Just like other people."  
"So what? No one ever cared if I lived or died. No one will ever. I already outlived my usefulness, and I don't think I can be anything else." Vanitas scowled.  
"Oh, please, please don't. Say. That. Okay?" When the thick, hard shell of cruelty and violence and arrogance cracked, all it can be seen through the crack was a black void filled with swirling mixture of helplessness, fear, anxiety, low self-esteem, uncertainty.  
At this moment, Ventus nearly pitied him, knowing he hated it. But it couldn't be helped. Even though it sounded absurd.

Vanitas buried his head between his knees, muttering. "If the castle is my prison and this is my life sentence, then let it be. You know I've done so much to you and the world."  
"Xehanort did more than you had done, Vanitas. He practically hurt everyone in every world and never cared." _And never showed remorse_ , Ventus recalled.  
Unversed were gone when their sole source was 'destroyed', and the rumor about mysterious 'Masked Boy' died down shortly after. No one was sure if the boy was real or not, they had no time to think about that, for there were more pressing matters: Heartless.  
Unlike Unversed, Heartless were more persistent, for they do not have one common source. Some of them might have once, originated from researches started by Ansem and his apprentices, which was taken over by Xehanort later, but since their victims can become new Heartless, seeking their source was virtually meaningless, and complete elimination was nigh impossible as long as darkness is part of the whole world in some ways. It was still ongoing issue, even now.  
"But that doesn't make me any better, does it?" The blond teen broke out of his thoughts by the other boy's words.  
"Maybe." But who was worse? The mastermind behind all the schemes, or the pawn who actively carried out the plan?  
Silence fell upon the boys.

"We are meant to be opposed to each other, anyway." Another subject brought by Vanitas. It was true to him as the old master intended it for his own goal.  
Ventus shook his head. "That doesn't mean we should be at odds."  
"Heck, there was nothing to repair from the beginning as we were destined to be like that." If so, reconcilement between them would be impossible, although the other boy would disagree.  
"But at least, we can build our relationship from the ground, can't we?" The blond boy looked up the sky again. "When there's no reason to fight anymore."  
The dark boy mumbled something, then fell back to silence. He was thinking again.

When there was no way making amend the damages inflicted to the world and people for they were already buried, forgotten, and healed by time, and when there was no means to mend his own pain by himself, and when they were no longer two sides of the same coin, yet there was no fitting piece for his fragmented heart…  
He couldn't find any answer. At least alone.  
His thoughts were interrupted by cold wind. Clouds began to appear and gather in the perfectly clear, dark sky dotted with bright stars.

"It's quite cold." Said that, the blond stood up.  
"Yeah." The other boy did the same.  
"Let's go _home_."  
It was another long walk.

Obviously, it was past dinner time. Near the entrance, Aqua was pacing to and fro, waiting for the boys.  
"Sorry for late, Aqua."  
She frowned a bit, but soon it melted into a faint smile.  
"C'mon, dinner is ready."

In the dining room, Aqua put a bowl before each of the boys, served them hot, steaming stew. "Here."  
Vanitas looked sideways at the blond boy beside him starting to eat. He didn't really feel hunger or thirst( _he only needed his own emotions to sustain himself_ ), so he could've stand up and walk away, but he didn't want to do that this time. Well, at least he could copy what the other boy doing instead. If he could drink potion, why not?  
"It's hot, so be careful."  
They didn't say much during eating.  
For Ventus, it felt good having such food to warm himself after spending hours at cold outside. For Aqua, she was fine with watching the boys eating their meal. For Vanitas, he didn't know what to think. He should've known that he had not been aware of such kind of sense. It wasn't that bad, however.

"I guess I have to restore this land soon." Aqua said at last, putting away now empty stew pot. Ventus knew she always considered that since they returned here, but held it off for some reason. Maybe she had been waiting for Terra all the time. She might wish she could live together like the old times, but they knew. Now she had no reason to pretend and put it off anymore. Perhaps, she could have decided not to restore the land, or even leave here.  
"If you restore the land, then what should I do?" Vanitas asked quietly. He was still sitting at the table, eyes on the empty bowl.  
"What do you want to do?" The blue-haired girl asked in return.

Looking at them, the dark boy pondered. He could see that everyone here was living according to the consequences of their own actions by will or by force, and he was no exception. He could blame Ventus for his current status, but if it weren't him, that blond might not have made such extreme choice. If things were different…  
If only he had been able to get out of the clutches of the old master, or if he had been less aggressive and less abusive toward Ventus and more honest( _though he never lied or hid his intention to the other boy, however not in a nice way_ ), so he could convince the other boy somehow instead of taunting and threatening him, his life could be less miserable. Perhaps Ventus would've taken him back willingly. Perhaps if they could've forged χ-Blade that way, they would have used it to stop that old man. Then no one's life would be ruined like that, and they – _Ventus_ – could be whole, free from emotional-physical issues. If only…

Maybe it's selfish, but now he wished he had someone at his side. If he was good enough, someone would've stood by him. Perhaps that person could make his life better, making him feel less empty and incomplete and…  
He should've known earlier.

Looking the keyblade master in the eyes, he opened his mouth.  
"I... want to stay here. Not that I don't have anywhere else to be. I don't know why, but I feel like..." He stumbled, but continued anyway. "I feel like I need someone by my side. If it can make me feel better."  
"If you are gonna stay, I'll stay, too." Ventus spoke. Vanitas lowered his head, turned his gaze downward.  
"But I still don't know what to to, or how to do." The dark boy mumbled.  
"That's what we should figure out." The blond teen said. "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell."  
"Forgot to tell what?"  
"I told about you to Master Yen Sid and some other person. I bet the person would be eager to see you."  
"I think you and Aqua are enough?"  
The blond smirked. "Having more helping hands isn't bad, I think? Come on, what could you possibly know when you're stuck here, seeing nothing but just this tiny world and us?" His tone was light, but others could tell he was also sincere. "Besides, I want to show _him_ this place. Not a maze towards Oblivion he stepped in once, but in its true form."  
 _Idiot_ , Vanitas murmured, but he didn't complain, nor did object. Perhaps he didn't mind at all.

After dinner, they cleaned up the dining room and the kitchen. For the first time in months, the castle felt less empty for Ventus. He wondered if Aqua felt the same, seeing her smile.

So much for today. It was night time, time to sleep. Aqua headed to her room, and the boys were walking side by side.  
They stopped at the front of a door. Ventus tried to say something, but he wasn't able to find the right word. Seemed like It was still difficult to start something. He let out a sigh.  
The other boy gazed upon the blond with crimson-tinted eyes, which were like dying ember – not molten gold full of malice and hatred as Ventus remembered, nor lifeless, dusty ruby yet with look of pain and anger on that day he threw his helmet down on the floor. Those eyes were almost unreadable, but trace of mixed feeling – anticipation and uncertainty could be seen. After that brief moment, he turned to the door.  
"Good night." Simple, but it was all the blond managed to speak.  
Vanitas didn't say anything back.

Ventus watched the other teen retreating to his room. He thought the dark boy might be changed a bit. But there was still a long road ahead, and he could tell it would not be a smooth road.  
Pulling the other boy from the darkness or making him good or forging friendship with him was not what the blond boy expected at all. But people can change in good ways or bad ways by their experiences and influences from outside during the course of life, even though they cannot change what they are truly( _their true colors_ ).  
Just a bit better was enough. Like a neutral party or some sort of companionship. A small improvement of behavior.

Of course he had more expectations, however didn't want much from the other one:  
Accepting helping hands, not laughing at them and walk away.  
Making effort and taking responsibility.  
Understanding forgiveness is not granted, but have to be earned.  
And learning to live and let live.  
If and only if he could.  
Those were all Ventus wanted from Vanitas. Not that much, or so much?

He could only hope.

* * *

Authoress L's Note: Finally it's done, though it took more than I expected. I started to write it at the middle of January, and now it's May. During those days, I had some ideas which were discarded in the finished work, such as:  
\- Vanitas showing what's inside of his suit(perhaps Ch. 11~12?)  
\- Ventus kicking Vanitas down during fight  
\- Ventus carries sleeping Vanitas on his back(Ch.20)  
There might be more, but I think I wrote down most of ideas about Ventus and Vanitas here.


End file.
